CHAPTER SEVEN - Death and Mourning: End of Life Questions

A: BACKGROUND

4. Accepting the Decree: Confession and Preparation: Life as a Gift

Another aspect of acceptance is expressed in the tradition of confession - (vidui) - of one’s sins. Traditional confession (never through an intermediary, as in Catholicism) has an important place in Judaism.

There is the yearly formalised tradition of confession on Yom Kippur, as well as the vidui preceding marriage. The deathbed vidui can take a number of different forms. It is sometimes said in the singular form of the plural, collective Yom Kippur confession.

There are, however, a number of shorter forms. There is a specific vidui aspect in the final prayer for those on the edge of death. Though substantially having fallen out of use in the modern Jewish world, it is worth quoting this prayer as an example of the thoughts and sentiments that the tradition encourages prior to death.

I acknowledge before You, O Lord my G-d and G-d of my fathers, that my life and death are in Your hands. May it be Your will to heal me. But if death is my lot, then I accept it from Your hand with love. May my death be an atonement for whatever sins and errors and wrong doings I have committed before You. In Your mercy grant me the goodness that is waiting for the righteous and bring me to eternal life. Father of orphans, Protector of widows, protect my loved ones with whom my soul is bound. Into Your hands I return my spirit. You will redeem me, O ever faithful G-d.

Hear O Israel, the Lord is G-d, the Lord is One.
Prayerbook

A prayer such as this gives testimony to the idea of G-d as just. It demonstrates that, while the dying person does not desire death and would prefer to be healed, nevertheless G-d’s decision will be accepted by him or her.

Indeed, to accept G-d’s justice at a time when one might inwardly be protesting the injustice of the act is an act of enormous faith. The last line – the Shema, the ultimate Jewish credo – emphasises this faith. G-d’s decision is accepted; there is no questioning the presence of G-d or, by extension, the justice of G-d’s world. Whatever one’s misgivings, whatever one’s inner protest, the formal saying of the Shema subordinates those question marks within a framework of Divine acceptance.

There is also another set of theological suppositions that inform the deathbed prayer: the idea that the human being is composed of two aspects, the material and the spirit – . The idea appears in the Creation story, in Chapter two of Bereishit, which tells the more detailed version of the Creation of Adam and, in particular, that:

The Lord G-d formed man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life and man became a living being.
Bereishit 2:7

This idea is one of the most basic and fundamental in Judaism: there is a spiritual component in people that differentiates them from the animals. This spiritual component comes directly from G-d and combines with the earth to create the human being. At death, the process is inverted: the material component returns naturally to the ground from which it was originally formed, while the soul is taken back by G-d.

For the true believer, this moment of death, then, is not a complete end but, rather, represents the end of a stage of being. In a sense, this can only be something that the believer can look forward to. The soul, according to Judaism, is now returned to G-d and prepared for whatever the future might hold for it; it is only the body that dies. That body must become once again part of the earth, but the essence of the person has passed on to a higher place, which Judaism, without irony, tends to call the world of truth, or the real world.

Life is interpreted as a gift from G-d. When life is taken away, it is seen as having been brought back to G-d. This must indeed be comforting, both for those who are on the verge of death and for those who witness the death of a loved one. The classic story of this attitude is that of Beruriah, the wife of Rabbi Meir, the great second century Sage.

It happened that while R. Meir was expounding in the house of study on a Sabbath afternoon, his two sons died. What did their mother do? She put them both on a couch and spread a sheet over them.
At the end of the Sabbath, R. Meir returned home from the house of study and asked, “Where are my two sons?” She replied, “They went to the house of study.” R. Meir said “I looked for them there but did not see them.”
Then she gave him the cup for Havdalah, and he pronounced the blessing. Again he asked, “Where are my two sons?” She replied, “They went to such and such a place and will be back soon.” Then she brought food for him.
After he had eaten, she said, “My teacher, I have a question.” R. Meir: “Ask your question.” She said: “My teacher, a while ago a man came and deposited something in my keeping. Now he has come back to claim what he left. Shall I return it to him or not?” R. Meir replied, “My daughter, is not one who holds a deposit required to return it to its owner?” She answered him, “Still, without your opinion, I would not have returned it.”
Then what did she do? She took R. Meir by his hand, led him to the chamber, and brought him near the couch. Then she pulled off the sheet that covered them, and he saw that both children lying on the couch were dead. He began to weep and say, “My sons, my sons, my teachers, my teachers. My sons in the way of the world, but my teachers because they illumined my eyes with their understanding of Torah”.
Then she spoke, “My teacher, did you not say to me that we are required to restore to the owner what is left with us in trust? ‘The Lord gave, the Lord took. May the Name of the Lord be blessed.’” (Job 1:21).
Midrash Mishlei 31:10; Yalkut Shimoni 964

Here we see an essential component of the Jewish attitude towards death: Life and death are in the hand of G-d. The soul of a human beings belongs to G-d and it is for G-d to decide how long each soul should spend on earth. Ultimately, life is to be understood as a gift from G-d and this understanding should be accepted by all Jews. To understand this, is also part of the process of acceptance. Beruriah is famous for illuminating this truth and seemingly having the strength to accept it for herself, and to pass it on to her husband.

It should, however, be emphasised that the fact that the real place for the soul is with G-d, who “lends” it from the “world of truth” to our world does not give a person the right to hasten the return of the soul.

It has already been mentioned that a person is supposed to struggle to remain alive and that euthanasia, for example, is forbidden. So, of course, is suicide, despite the fact that theological attitudes such as the one mentioned must have caused many people to desire a hasty return to their Maker in times of trouble.

The balancing factor here is the realisation that it is for G-d alone to make the decisions governing life and death. In no way can human beings interfere in such matters; to do so would be to enter areas reserved strictly for G-d alone.

This matches with an attitude previously mentioned relating to reward and punishment, which finds its logical and absolute climax in the doctrine of life and death. According to this concept, people are rewarded by G-d, at least partly, according to the merits of their own behaviour. This is well reflected in the famous prayer – Netaneh Tokef – recited on the High Holy days, at the beginning of the Jewish New Year:

You judge and prosecute, discern motives and bear witness, record and seal, count and measure, remembering all that we have forgotten. You open the book of remembrance and it speaks for itself, since every man has sealed it with his deeds…

On Rosh Hashanah it is inscribed and on Yom Kippur it is sealed:-
How many shall leave this world and how many shall be born into it, who shall live and who shall die, who shall live out the limit of their days and who shall not…

But penitence, prayer and good deeds annul the severity of the decision…
Machzor for the High Holy Days