CHAPTER SEVEN - Death and Mourning: End of Life Questions

THE JEWISH LIFE CYCLE
By Steve Israel

C: Educational Activities

30. Whose Life is it Anyway?
(An hour to an hour and a half).

The aims of this activity are:

• To focus on the Jewish attitude which sees life as coming from – and therefore belonging to - G-d;
• To examine some of the implications of this view.

Start by asking the group how they feel when they own up to something:

• Have they ever confessed things that they had thought of hiding or had actually hidden from people?
• Why did they confess?
• How did it make them feel?

If anyone in the group is willing to share examples, let them do so, but
No-one should be pressed to do so.

It is common knowledge that confession (to a priest) is an important part of Catholicism.

Ask the group whether there is confession in Judaism. [If they have covered the wedding section of the Life Cycle programme, they might remember the practice of Vidui - confession - before a wedding: they might also be familiar with the Vidui in the Yom Kippur ritual.]

• What are the differences between Judaism and Catholicism? [Judaism does not use a human intermediary, Judaism’s ritualised confession to G-d is non-personal in terms of confessions of sins and Judaism’s annual Yom Kippur confessions are plural in form and communal in intent.]

Explain that there is a deathbed Vidui confession and bring the following form of confession.

I acknowledge before You, O Lord my G-d and G-d of my fathers, that my life and death are in Your hands. May it be Your will to heal me. But if death is my lot, then I accept it from Your hand with love. May my death be an atonement for whatever sins and errors and wrong doings I have committed before You. In Your mercy grant me the goodness that is waiting for the righteous and bring me to eternal life. Father of orphans, Protector of widows, protect my loved ones with whom my soul is bound. Into Your hands I return my spirit. You will redeem me, O ever faithful G-d. Hear O Israel, the Lord is G-d, the Lord is One.
Prayerbook

Work out with the group the main values and idea expressed here.
[Hint: One of the main ones is the idea that life is a gift from G-d.]

Introduce the story of the death of the children of Beruriah and Rabbi Meir. Without going into any detail, explain that the children died when the father was at the synagogue and that it was Beruriah’s task to tell him what had happened.

In small groups let each group prepare a version of a conversation between the parents in which the death is revealed. The groups can prepare either a story, or a small sketch.

Half of the groups should be very quietly told to prepare a version in which Beruriah should try and find the most sensitive way of explaining the deaths, so as to try and minimise the father’s shock and sorrow. The other groups should not be given this instruction.

The groups should present to each other their versions.

• Is there a difference between the presentations of those groups who were told to build in sensitivity into their presentations and those who did not get that instruction? Or are all equally sensitive?
• Talk about the importance of sensitivity when revealing the fact of death.

Now read together the Rabbinic version of the scene:

It happened that while R. Meir was expounding in the house of study on a Sabbath afternoon, his two sons died. What did their mother do? She put them both on a couch and spread a sheet over them.

At the end of the Sabbath, R. Meir returned home from the house of study and asked, “Where are my two sons?” She replied, “They went to the house of study.” R. Meir said, “I looked for them there but did not see them.”

Then she gave him the cup for Havdalah, and he pronounced the blessing. Again he asked, “Where are my two sons?” She replied, “They went to such and such a place and will be back soon.” Then she brought food for him.
After he had eaten, she said, “My teacher, I have a question.” R. Meir, “Ask your question.” She said, “My teacher, a while ago a man came and deposited something in my keeping. Now he has come back to claim what he left. Shall I return it to him or not?” R. Meir replied, “My daughter, is not one who holds a deposit required to return it to its owner?” She answered him, “Still, without your opinion, I would not have returned it.”

Then what did she do? She took R. Meir by his hand, led him to the chamber, and brought him near the couch. Then she pulled off the sheet that covered them, and he saw that both children lying on the couch were dead. He began to weep and say, “My sons, my sons, my teachers, my teachers. My sons in the way of the world, but my teachers because they illumined my eyes with their understanding of Torah”.

Then she spoke, “My teacher, did you not say to me that we are required to restore to the owner what is left with us in trust? ‘The Lord gave, the Lord took. May the Name of the Lord be blessed.’” (Job 1:21).
Midrash Mishlei 31:10; Yalkut Shimoni 964

How do they think that Beruriah handled the task that she took on herself. Examine how she used the idea of life as G-d’s gift to try and soften the shock of death.

• How do they relate to that idea?
• How do they understand it?
• Where does it come from?

Refer them to the Biblical verse of the Creation of people:

The Lord G-d formed man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life and man became a living being.
Bereishit 2:7

What implications has this verse for the way that Judaism approaches issues of life and death?

Raise the question of degrees of medical intervention in terminal illness, and euthanasia.
[There is a distinct line drawn between the need to provide pain relief and essential medication, or not attempting resuscitation in hopeless cases, and euthanasia.]

The facilitator should be prepared at this point to raise or address the question of suicide. Do this however, with great thought and care.
Some of the group might have connections with people who have committed suicide, and it is not unknown, of course, for young people to harbour occasional suicidal thoughts themselves.
[According to Judaism, suicide is not an option, since a person’s soul belongs to G-d and it is up to G-d alone to decide when it should be taken back].