CHAPTER SEVEN - Death and Mourning: End of Life Questions

A: BACKGROUND

2. Initial Thoughts on Big Ideas

As one examines the subject of death and mourning in Judaism, a number of underlying elements, or attitudes, emerge clearly to unite the diversity of ritual details. Below is an outline of seven primary attitudes that will be encountered time and again in this context:

• Firstly, Judaism is remarkably realistic in its attitude towards death. Death is considered a natural part of life; it does not have to be feared, nor does it need to be denied. It should be treated naturally and with dignity, in a straightforward manner.
• This leads into the second attitude, that of simplicity. In its refusal to mystify the process of death and the mourning that follows death, Judaism refuses to indulge itself in elaborate, larger-than-life ceremonies and death rituals. Rituals are people-sized: they are for normal human beings who are saying goodbye to another normal human being.
• The third attitude relates to the great humanity of the tradition in its relationship - especially, although not exclusively - towards those left behind. Much of Jewish ritual surrounding death relates to the mourners - those who survive to live on after the death. We shall encounter tremendous sensitivity, in the rituals' consideration for their psychological and emotional state as they contend, almost inevitably, with feelings of great complexity and ambivalence.
• This serves as a bridge to the fourth attitude, which addresses the importance of providing a framework, a phased, ritualistic structure designed to control and channel one's feelings and to allow the mourner, ultimately, to move forward towards re-integration into the fabric of everyday life.
• This essentially, introduces the fifth element, the presence of community.
• The community will be a constant presence surrounding the process of death and mourning, cushioning when necessary, lending dignity, and offering constant support. The community's involvement in the process is carefully “stage-managed” to provide the tools for support and for ultimate re-integration into the living community.
• An additional factor, the sixth on this list, is moderation. Judaism accepts and encourages the expression of deep grief.
  • It encourages tears; it accepts that death is sometimes tragic for the mourners and it does not make false attempts to comfort at a time of deep grief.
  • It accepts that death can be so tragic that people are sometimes unable to cope with life at that moment, calling forth the need for care by the community.
    But this grief, having been allowed to express itself, must find its own limits: endless grieving amidst personal self-neglect, cut off from community support, is not the way of Judaism. Grief for those who have died is balanced by the needs of those left living. The irrationality and essential passionate wildness of raw pain, must, over time, be placed in overall proportion. This is moderation.
• The last, all-pervasive element in the death and mourning syndrome is the religious and theological framework that surrounds and penetrates every detail of the proceedings, expressing itself both in liturgy and Halachically mandated ritual.

As a culture that believes in ultimate meaning which transcends by far the life or death of an individual, Judaism has to provide a perspective on death that enables the individual to integrate the death - however painful - into an ultimate framework of meaning.

In these seven words and phrases, we encounter the essence of the Jewish attitude towards death. They will appear in different forms through the rituals surrounding death and its aftermath.

The organising principle in this chapter will be essentially chronological, moving from the end of life, through death and burial into immediate mourning and then towards the further reaches of the mourning process. Finally, we will reconsider the seven themes mentioned in our summary.