 CHAPTER
Seven - Death and Mourning: End of Life Questions
THE JEWISH LIFE CYCLE
By Steve Israel
B. PART TWO: PRIMARY TEXTS
18. Struggle and Release
19. Confessing
20. Going Back to G-d
21. The Moment of Death
22. Body Burying
23. Kaddish
24. Tearing One’s Clothes: The Precedents
25. Burial Prayers and Funeral Practices
26. The First Meal
27. How Much Mourning?
28. The Koheleth Perspective
This section includes the various texts referred to throughout the previous
section, with some commentary and additional texts that are relevant within
the context. After each text appears the relevant section to which the
text refers. These additional texts can be used as the basis for further
activities, either individually, or juxtaposed with the other texts, in
order to further enrich the programming.
18. Struggle and Release (Section
3)
In addition to the texts quoted in the background section of this chapter,
below is the suggested archetype for the Jewish attitude towards death,
that of Moses. It is a wonderful extremely long piece, almost a book in
itself. It has been edited down very tightly, but we hope that it is still
sufficiently detailed to give a hint of the wonderful drama of struggle.
As a comparison, immediately before it, we have brought the relevant part
of the last chapter of the book of Devarim, in which the biblical version
of Moses’ death is given.
18a. Surrender
He breathes his last, my rebellion is dying,
That fiery, proud and gay one.
Surrender, a pale widow,
Approaches my house in silence.
She prises my clenched teeth open,
She loosens my fists closed tightly,
She fetches ashes in handfuls
To cover the last of my embers.
And with head bowed down and silent
Creeps into a distant corner.
I know too well she will never
Leave my house again.
Rachel Bluwstein, Surrender
18b.
No one leaves this world with even half of their desires fulfilled.
Kohelet Rabba 1:13
18c.
Then Moses climbed Mt. Nebo… across from Jericho. There the
Lord showed him the whole land…
Then the Lord said to him, “This is the Land I promised on oath
to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob when I said, ‘I will give it to your
descendants’. I have let you see it with your own eyes, but you
will not cross over into it.”
And Moses, the servant of the Lord died there in Moab, as the Lord
had said. He buried him in Moab, in the valley opposite Beth Peor but
to this day nobody knows where his grave is. Moses was a hundred and
twenty years old when he died but his eyes were not weak nor his strength
gone. The Israelites grieved for Moses in the plains of Moab for thirty
days, until the time of weeping and mourning was over.
Devarim 34:1-8
18d.
When Moses realized that the decree [of death] had been sealed against
him he drew a small circle around himself, stood in it, and said, “Master
of the Universe, I will not move from here until you void that decree.”
At the same time, he put on sack cloth – indeed wrapped himself
in it – strewed ashes upon himself, and persisted in prayer and
supplications before the Holy One, until Heaven and Earth – indeed
all things made during the six days of Creation – were shaken…
What did the Holy One do then? He had it proclaimed at every gate of
every firmament that Moses’ prayer be not accepted nor brought
up to His presence because the decree concerning him had been sealed.
Still, as the sound of Moses’ prayer to Him above grew even stronger,
the Holy One summoned the ministering angels and commanded them, "Go
down in haste and bolt all the gates of every firmament", for Moses’
prayer was like sword, ripping and tearing, and nothing could stop it…
In that instant Moses said to the Holy One, “Master of the Universe,
you know how much trouble I suffered on behalf of Israel, until they
came to believe in Your name. How much pain I suffered until I got them
to accept Your Torah and Mitzvot?… Yet now, You tell me not to
go over the River Jordan… Is this the reward for forty years of
service that I gave until Israel became a holy people loyal to their
faith?” The Holy One replied, “Nevertheless, such is the
decree that has gone forth from My Presence.”
Then Moses said, “Master of the Universe, if I am not to enter
the Land of Israel alive, let me enter dead as the bones of Moses are
about to enter.” [Once again, the answer was a definite no.]…
Then Moses said, “Master of the Universe, if You will not let
me enter the Land of Israel, allow me to remain alive like the beasts
of the field, who eat grass, drink water and thus enjoy the world
– let me be like one of these.” At that G-d replied, “Enough!
Speak no more to Me of this matter.”…
When Moses saw that his prayer was not heeded, he went to implore Heaven
and Earth, saying, “Ask for mercy on my behalf”…
Then he went to implore the stars and the planets and said, “Ask
for mercy on my behalf”…
Then he went to implore the mountains and the hills and said, “Ask
for mercy on my behalf”…
Then he went to implore the sea and said, “Ask for mercy on my
behalf”…
Then he went to implore the Great Angel and asked, “Ask for mercy
on my behalf so that I do not die.” The angel replied, “Moses
my master, what good is this effort? Because I have heard above that
your prayer in this matter will not be heard”.
Moses put his hands on his head and lamented and wept as he said,
“To whom am I to go now to ask for mercy on my behalf?”
In that instant the Holy One was filled with anger at Moses, so that
Moses had to remind G-d that He had described Himself as G-d Who is
merciful and compassionate, whereupon the holy spirit was calmed…
Moses said to G-d, “Master of the Universe… shall the face
that confronted the Divine Presence, the hands that received the Torah
from Your hands – shall these now lick the dust?”
The Holy One replied, “Such was My thought from the beginning…
Each generation is to have its own interpreters of Torah, each generation
is to have its own leaders. Until now it has been your portion to serve
Me. From now on it is the portion of your disciple Joshua…
But a Divine voice came forth and said, “The time has come for
you to depart from the world”. Moses pleaded with the Holy One,
“I beg You, do not hand me over to the Angel of Death”.
Again a Divine voice came forth and said, “Fear not, I myself
will attend you and your burial”…
Moses lifted both his arms, placed them over his heart, and called
out to Israel, “Behold the end of flesh and blood”. Moses
rose and washed his hands and feet and thus became as pure as an angel.
Then from the highest heaven of heavens, the Holy One came down to take
the soul of Moses and with Him the three angels, Michael Gabriel and
Zagzagel. Michael stood at one side and Gabriel at the other. Then the
Holy One said to Moses, “Moses close your eyes,” and Moses
closed his eyes. “Put your arms over your chest”, and he
put his arms over his chest. “Bring your legs together”,
and he brought his legs together. Then the Holy One summoned Moses’
soul saying, “My daughter, I had fixed the time that you would
stay in the body of Moses as a hundred and twenty years. Now your time
has come to depart. Delay not.”…
The Holy One exclaimed, “Depart, and I will take you to the highest
heaven of heavens, and will set you under the throne of glory, next
to the cherubim and serafim”. In that instant, the Holy one kissed
Moses and took his soul with that kiss.
Devarim Rabba 7:10, 11:10 etc.
I acknowledge before You, O Lord my G-d and G-d of my fathers, that
my life and death are in Your hands. May it be Your will to heal me.
But if death is my lot, then I accept it from Your hand with love. May
my death be an atonement for whatever sins and errors and wrong doings
I have committed before You. In Your mercy grant me the goodness that
is waiting for the righteous and bring me to eternal life. Father of
orphans, Protector of widows, protect my loved ones with whom my soul
is bound. Into Your hands I return my spirit. You will redeem me, O
ever faithful G-d. Hear O Israel, the Lord is G-d, the Lord is One.
Prayerbook
20. Going Back to G-d (Section
4)
20a.
The Lord G-d formed man from the dust of the ground and breathed into
his nostrils the breath of life and man became a living being.
Bereishit 2:7
20b.
It happened that while R. Meir was expounding in the house of study
on a Sabbath afternoon, his two sons died. What did their mother do?
She put them both on a couch and spread a sheet over them.
At the end of the Sabbath, R. Meir returned home from the house of
study and asked, “Where are my two sons?” She replied, “They
went to the house of study.” R. Meir said, “I looked for
them there but did not see them.”
Then she gave him the cup for Havdalah, and he pronounced the blessing.
Again he asked, “Where are my two sons?” She replied, “They
went to such and such a place and will be back soon.” Then she
brought food for him.
After he had eaten, she said, “My teacher, I have a question.”
R. Meir: “Ask your question.” She said: “My teacher,
a while ago a man came and deposited something in my keeping. Now he
has come back to claim what he left. Shall I return it to him or not?”
R. Meir replied: “My daughter, is not one who holds a deposit
required to return it to its owner?” She answered him: “Still,
without your opinion, I would not have returned it.”
Then what did she do? She took R. Meir by his hand, led him to the
chamber, and brought him near the couch. Then she pulled off the sheet
that covered them, and he saw that both children lying on the couch
were dead. He began to weep and say, “My sons, my sons, my teachers,
my teachers. My sons in the way of the world, but my teachers, because
they illumined my eyes with their understanding of Torah”.
Then she spoke: “My teacher, did you not say to me that we are
required to restore to the owner what is left with us in trust? ‘The
Lord gave, the Lord took. May the Name of the Lord be blessed.’”
(Job 1:21).
Midrash Mishlei 31:10; Yalkut Shimoni 964
20c.
You judge and prosecute, discern motives and bear witness, record
and seal, count and measure, remembering all that we have forgotten.
You open the book of remembrance and it speaks for itself since every
man has sealed it with his deeds…
On Rosh Hashanah it is written and on Yom Kippur it is sealed:-
How many shall leave this world and how many shall be born into it,
who shall live and who shall die, who shall live out the limit of his
days and who shall not…
But penitence, prayer and good deeds annul the severity of the decree…
Machzor for the High Holy Days
21. The Moment of Death (Section
5)
A poignant statement from the Talmud.
Our masters taught: He who closes [the eyes of a dying man prior to]
the point of death is like a murderer, as may be understood by analogy
with a lamp that is flickering out: if one presses one’s finger
against it, the lamp will go out at once.
Bab.Talmud, Shabbat 152b
22. Body Burying (Section 6)
In addition to the statement about Gamaliel’s reforms, below is
another statement relating to kavod hamet, in reference to the time of
burial for a body.
22a.
[The body shall be buried the same day as it is said,] “His
body shall not remain overnight…You shall bury him the same day”
(Devarim 21:23). If the relative keeps the body overnight to honour
the deceased – to have his death made known in nearby towns, to
bring professional women mourners for him or to procure for him a coffin
and shrouds – he violates no precept, for all he does is done
for the honour of the deceased.
Bab. Talmud, Sanhedrin 46b-47a
22b.
Formerly, they used to bring out the deceased for burial, the rich
on a tall bed, ornamented with rich covers, the poor on a plain box.
Therefore a law was passed that all should be brought out on a plain
box, in deference to the poor…
Formerly, the expense of burying the dead was harder for a family to
bear than the death itself, so that sometimes, family members fled to
escape the expense. This was so until Rabban Gamliel ordered that he
be buried in a plain linen shroud, instead of expensive garments. Since
then people have been buried in simple shrouds.
Bab. Talmud, Moed Katan 27a-27b
Below is the text of the mourner’s Kaddish, translated from the
Aramaic, as well as Henrietta Szold’s letter on the subject.
23a.
May His great name be exalted and sanctifiedm in the world that He
created according to His will. May He establish His sovereignty, during
your life, your days and during the life of the whole House of Israel,
speedily and soon; and let us say, Amen.
May His great name be praised, forever and throughout eternity.
May the name of the Holy One, blessed be He, be blessed and praised,
celebrated and exalted, adulated and honoured, glorified and exalted,
above all blessings, songs, praises and condolences that are said in
the world; and let us say Amen.
May there be great peace from Heaven, and life for us and for all Israel;
and let us say, Amen.
May He who brings peace in His high places, grant peace to us and to
all the people Israel; and let us say, Amen.
Prayerbook
23b.
It is impossible for me to find words in which to tell you how deeply
I was touched by your offer to act as “Kaddish” for my dear
mother…
You will wonder, then, that I cannot accept your offer… I know
well and appreciate what you say about the Jewish custom and Jewish
custom is very dear and sacred to me. And yet I cannot ask you to say
the kaddish after my mother. The kaddish means to me that the survivor
publicly and markedly manifests his wish and intention to assume the
relation to the Jewish community which his parent had so that the chain
of tradition remains unbroken from generation to generation, each adding
its own link.
You can do that for the generations of your family. I must do that for
the generations of my family.
I believe that the elimination of women from such duties was never
intended by our law and custom – women were freed from positive
duties when they could not perform them, but not when they could. It
was never intended that, if they could perform them, their performance
of them should not be considered a valuable as when one of the male
sex performed them. And of the kaddish I feel sure that this is particularly
true.
Henrietta Szold: letter to Chayim Peretz,
September 16, 1916
24. Tearing One’s Clothes: The Precedents (Section
9)
These are the two biblical precedents for the keriah:
24a.
Then Jacob tore his clothes, put on sackcloth and mourned for his
son many days. All his sons and daughters came to comfort him, but he
refused to be comforted. “No,” he said, “in mourning
will I go down to Sheol [the place where the Bible tells us all souls
go down after death], to my son.” So his father wept for him.
Bereishit 37:34-35
24b.
Then David and all the men with him took hold of their clothes and
tore them. They mourned and wept and fasted till evening for Saul and
his son Jonathan and for the army of the Lord and the House of Israel,
because they had fallen by the sword.
II Samuel 1:11-12
25. Burial Prayers and Funeral Practices (Section
9)
As the second source, below is a Talmudic tradition regarding the importance
of attending a funeral, told in wonderful Talmudic language!
25a.
G-d’s work is perfect, for all his ways are justice… He
rules below and above. He orders death and restores to life. He brings
down to the grave and brings up again… You are just, Lord, in
ordering death and restoring to life… Far be it from You to blot
out remembrance…
If a man lives a year or a thousand years, what does it profit him?
He shall be as though he has not been. Blessed be the true Judge, who
orders death and restores to life… The soul of every living thing
is in Your hand. Your might is full of righteousness. Have mercy upon
the remainder of thy flock and say to the destroying angel “Stay
your hand!”
Prayerbook
25b.
Our masters taught:
One may interrupt the study of Torah to attend a funeral procession.
It is said of R. Judah bar Ilai that he used to interrupt the study
of Torah to attend a funeral procession, but only when there were not
enough people in the procession. When there are enough, study may not
be interrupted.
And how many are enough? R. Samuel bar Ini said in the name of Rav:
Twelve thousand men and six thousand trumpeters…
Bab. Talmud, Kettubot 17a
26. The First Meal (Section 10)
The body of the text mentions the tradition of preparing a first meal
which includes round foods. This midrash explains the theme of lentils.
[When Abraham died] Jacob made a stew of lentils to comfort Isaac his
father. Why lentils? …
It was said in the name of Rabbah ben Mari: Even as the lentil has no
mouth [no split], so a mourner has no mouth [i.e. can no longer speak].
According to others: Just as a lentil is round, so mourning comes round
to all who enter the world.
Bab. Talmud, Baba Batra 16b
27. How Much Mourning? (Section
13)
In addition to the biblical description of Joseph’s mourning over
his father Jacob (Israel), which is used as a prooftext regarding the
length of a shiva, below is an excellent Talmudic text regarding the process
of mourning.
In relation to the Joseph text, it should be noted that embalming was
later forbidden as an infringement of kavod hamet, but modern authorities
tend to allow it, since many burials outside Israel today are not on the
day of death and therefore some embalming procedure is necessary to avoid
putrefaction.
27a.
Joseph threw himself upon his father and wept over him and kissed
him. Then Joseph directed the physicians in his service to embalm his
father Israel. So the physicians embalmed him taking a full forty days,
for that was the time required for embalming. And the Egyptians mourned
for him seventy days.
When the days of mourning has passed… Joseph went up to bury
his father. All Pharoah’s officials accompanied him… It
was a very large company. When they reached the threshing floor of Atad,
near the Jordan, they lamented loudly and bitterly and there Joseph
observed a seven day period of mourning for his father.
Bereishit 50:1-10
27b.
[It is said in the book of Jeremiah 23:10] “Weep not for the
dead nor bemoan him”.
[The intention is:] “Weep not for the dead” in excess, “neither
bemoan him” beyond measure. What does this mean?
Three days of weeping, seven for lamenting and thirty days [for refraining]
from wearing pressed clothes and from trimming the hair.
“From then on” says the Holy One, “You are not expected
to be more compassionate to him than I.”
Bab. Talmud, Moed Katan 27b
27c.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will
fear no evil, for You are with me. Your rod and Your staff comfort me.
Psalm 23:5
28. The Koheleth Perspective (Section
16)
There is a time for everything
And a season for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die…
I thought… Man’s fate is like the animals: the same fate
awaits them both –
As one dies, so dies the other.
All have the same breath…
All go to the same place,
All come from the same dust and to dust will return.
Who knows if the spirit of man rises upwards
And the spirit of the animal goes down into the earth?
So I saw that there is nothing better for a man than to enjoy his work,
because that is his lot. For who can bring him to see what will happen
after him?
Koheleth 3
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