CHAPTER SIX - The Aging Process: Late Life Questions

A: BACKGROUND

13. What can be done?
4.) The power of ritual

One area which offers surprisingly little about aging in the traditional Jewish world is related to ritual.

Throughout this treatment of the life cycle, the importance of ritual in helping the individual negotiate new life states or situations has been stressed; emphasis has been placed on the way in which ritual can provide a meaningful transition to prepare the individual for the new stage, by accessing deep meanings in the culture and providing them with ritual form.

To recap previous findings:

• One of the most important functions of life cycle landmark ritual is to allow the individual the recognition that a particular stage of life has been completed and that another stage is about to begin, with its own “flavours”, themes and obligations.
• Successful negotiation of the transitional ritual helps ready a person to deal with the demands and the potential of the next phase of life.

With this in mind, one would perhaps expect to find a key ritual that prepares the individual for transition towards life as an elderly person.
However, in Judaism one may look in vain for such ritual relating to aging: there is no formal entrance of any sort into this new phase of life.

• One possible reason is that in societies where life-expectation was much shorter, growing older was a comparative rarity - and therefore the need for such a ceremony was not the common lot.
• In addition, societies which venerated their elders and gave them pride of place probably did not need to add further emphasis to their new status.

In recent years, however, this absence has unquestionably been felt in certain circles of the Jewish and the western, non-Jewish world.

The dual question is:

• At what point should such ceremonies be observed; and
• What should they mark?

  In the outside world, understandably, a number of “pagan” celebrations have developed around the aging process, specifically for women. Unlike men, women pass through a specific physical change in menopause which interprets the cessation of menstruation, the life-source (fertility), as being retained inside the woman rather than being released to the outside world. Much of the ritual that has developed therefore centres around such imagery - the Greek goddess Persephone, taken to the underworld for six months each year before returning to life, has likewise become a central figure in women’s age ceremonies.

One might argue that menopause (in the 50s) is not yet the transition to being elderly, and that Jewish tradition does mark the period of approaching 70 as mature years -so that the focus should be towards these continued, productive years.

Inside the Jewish world, away from the symbols of the pagan world, people have therefore looked for Jewish ways of marking the transition.

The leaders in the trend towards the creation of new Jewish rituals for aging are also women:

• This might be for the mentioned reason of their being a definable physical component of the aging of women, menopause;
• Women may be more sensitive to the empty nest, or to the oft-acquired status of becoming a mother-in-law, possibly a grandparent.
• It might also be part of the backlash from the many mature, contemporary Jewish women who feel that the tradition has tended to ignore their ritual needs and who have now acquired the confidence to seek their place on the ritual stage - as a status within the community.
• It is not inconceivable that the recent trend towards mature Bnot Mitzvah ceremonies within this trend is a step towards recognising the aging process among women. Ostensibly couched in terms relating to an earlier, missed ceremony - and therefore appearing to be nostalgic and backward-focused - in many respects, this trend might represent a consciousness among many middle-aged or mature women that they are entering a new stage in their lives. Were this latter stage to be adequately catered for by a ritual of its own, the adult Bat Mitzvah might have less power.

Whatever the reasons, the move towards senior status remains officially unmarked in Judaism.
Unsurprisingly, where a vacuum of ritual exists and a real need is not dealt with in ritual terms, a number of new rituals will develop to attempt to address the real need.

• At 70, one might consider offering tribute to a person’s achievements;
• At 60, our communities should emphatically be considering bringing inwards those active and alert people who can offer an immense contribution to the Jewish world, after decades of adult life - and while they are still in good health.

Dr. Savina Teubal, a Californian Jewish educator, developed a ritual for her sixtieth birthday, a time when she felt that she was passing through significant physical changes. The ceremony took place at Temple Bet Chaim Chadashim in November 1986. She named it Simchat Chochma – A Joy of Wisdom - a clearly appropriate title, and based her ceremony round traditional ritual elements such as the wearing of a kittel (the white garment worn at Yom Kippur), a covenant promise, song-prayer, Torah and planting.

The same title was used by poetess Barbara Holender for the home ceremony that she developed for her sixty-fifth birthday in 1992. It included elements of renaming, mikveh, planting, song and prayer.

It remains to be seen to what extent these new rituals will be maintained and popularised. If there is a real, perceived objective need for a ritual, one will probably develop and it should ideally confer recognition of a new status within the community…

One of the worst aspects of a Category B old-age is obviously the feeling that life has lost meaning for the individual and that one’s life holds no meaning for anyone else.

• A meaningful ritual which emphasises the importance of the individual in a relation with a higher and wider value circle of community, or G-d, or cosmos, would be one ingredient in combatting feelings of uselessness, isolation and meaninglessness that confronts so many older people.
• Moreover, this new stage of life should incorporate continued, meaningful relationships that allow the elderly person to realise their potential and apply their life experience and intellect within both community and family frameworks.

The ushering-in of either another active phase, or a dignified old-age through a ceremony that confers dignity and self-worth to a person is clearly an event that helps make the difference between a Category A old-age and a Category B type.