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 CHAPTER
FIVE:Those Who don’t Fit the Model: Family Situations and Status
in Judaism and the Jewish World
5E. The Contemporary Crisis – Increasing Divorce
This, then, sums up the issue of divorce in Judaism, but it demands to
be addressed briefly in the contemporary context, too.
The phenomenon has always existed historically, but there can be no doubt
that the contemporary Jewish community has reached a new crisis point
in relation to the number of divorces. The divorce rate in the Jewish
community has fairly exploded in the last generation in most countries,
parallel to that of the general community - albeit with a slower start
and at a lower curve.
The reasons for this trend are complex, but because they are indeed a
general trend, rather than a specifically Jewish phenomenon, a systematic
analysis is outside the scope of this presentation.
Firstly, it is clear that expectations of marriage
have changed.
- This is partly a definite outcome of the image that the media and
“Hollywood” have been selling for decades of the happy,
sanitized, nuclear family, which becomes some kind of a litmus test
by which many evaluate their own family situation and find it lacking.
- The almost complete transition to romance as the basis for many relationships
has also taken its toll, as far too many relationships fail to live
up to the images of the pre-marriage situation.
Furthermore, the financial independence of women in
the work-market, together with the norm that women can and should (or
need to) work, have also had their impact on the picture.
Socio-theological changes also come into this picture.
The relaxation of religious sanction and authority and the secularisation
of modern thought have, likewise, provided a framework that allows people
to approach divorce as an option.
Together with other factors, these have all impacted on the sharp and
sustained rise in the divorce rate.
For whatever reasons divorce happens so frequently, these outcomes are
indisputable: the number of divorces has climbed sky high. Indeed, few
people can contract a marriage today without entertaining, in at least
part of their minds, the thought that all of this might crumble. But it
is far from solely a tragic, personal problem for those whose marriages
fall apart.
The implications for the Jewish community (and others), whose social
order, fabric of existence and collectivity are founded on the family
unit and which, moreover, perceives the family as a central focal point
for the life based on Jewish values and rituals, are clear and extremely
worrying on two additional levels:
Accepting the fact that divorce might indeed be better than a bad marriage,
the thought that there are apparently so many bad marriages nevertheless
should and must be of grave concern to all Jewish communal leaders.
In addition, the realisation that the foundations of Jewish
communities are clearly less stable than had been realised previously,
is a cause for the deepest reflection among Jews everywhere.
- One desired response should be an initiative to deepen and improve
the understanding and working of marriages and family relationships,
present and future, through systematic and in-depth educational programming,
combining the value-laden tradition and therapeutic techniques.
- Another initiative demanded by the situation should be a sustained
outreach programme for people in their second marriage - not just to
make them feel welcome in the community, but to help them navigate the
difficult waters of family relationships in a second marriage.
- The newly single among the divorced should also become the focus
of sustained assistance in their adjustment to their new status within
the framework of Jewish community and in bringing them to full membership.
Many divorced people experience a sense of inadequacy, self-consciousness,
and even marginalisation, particularly in those family settings often
emphasised in the Jewish community; this is particularly true for the
women. Whether as single adults without dependents, or single parents,
the community clearly needs to dedicate sustained efforts to make them
feel welcome and include them in different ways.
In conclusion, the issue of the divorced needs to be on the
agenda of the Jewish community in a manner and on a scale that are totally
unprecedented.
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