 CHAPTER
FIVE:Those Who don’t Fit the Model: Family Situations and Status
in Judaism and the Jewish World
5A. Challenge Number Three: The Divorced
Divorce is the third of the more traditional classifications, among those
issues that have been on the agenda of the Jewish communities throughout
the generations. Divorce is an accepted part of Jewish life and has been
so since the time of the Bible.
The Biblical basis for divorce is found among a series of diverse, miscellaneous
laws brought in the book of Devarim –Deuteronomy. The following
case appears at the beginning of Devarim 24:
If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because
he finds something indecent about her and he writes her a certificate
of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, and if after
she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man and her second
husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives
it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, then her first
husband who divorced her is not allowed to marry her again after she
has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the Lord.
Devarim 24:1-4
Despite the fact that this relates to a very particular case and does
not confront the question of divorce per se head on, we learn
from the passage that divorce was part and parcel of the life of Biblical
Israel.
One should not however infer from this that divorce was an easy or popular
option: there are indications in the Bible that there was a strong anti-divorce
position operative in society. This position, for example, seems to be
reflected in the words of the last of the Prophets, Malachi, in his response
to the Jews who are complaining that G-d is not listening to them in the
harsh and difficult conditions of early Second Temple Jerusalem.
You flood the Lord’s altar with tears. You weep and wail
because He no longer pays attention to your offerings, or accepts them
with pleasure from your hands. You ask “Why?". It is because
the Lord is acting as witness between you and the wife of your youth,
because you have broken faith with her, though she is your companion,
the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the Lord made them one?
In flesh and spirit they are His. And why one? Because He was seeking
G-dly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit and do not break faith
with the wife of your youth. For to reject is hateful, says the Lord,
G-d of Israel.
Malachi 2:13-16
Malachi, a Prophet to the Jews during a very difficult period when the
community of Israel was subject to all sorts of social ills and abuses,
speaks out unhesitatingly against a practice that was clearly common at
the time, whereby men “sent away” their wives and presumably
took other (younger?) wives in their place. This is perhaps the strongest
example of anti-divorce sentiment in the Bible, but there are others,
too. The same idea is passed down in the New Testament and through to
Christianity, and stands at the heart of the traditional Christian (Catholic)
opposition to divorce.
It is clear that, while divorce was part of everyday Biblical life, it
was not seen as something that should be taken lightly. Ultimately, this
would reflect itself in a Judaism that would reluctantly accept divorce,
taking pains to try and ensure that it would be kept to a minimum, but
recognising that a bad marriage often tends to be worse for an individual
than being alone.
There are a number of noteworthy point about Biblical divorce to be gleaned
from both these passages:
Firstly, it should be noted in both passages that divorce
is not just of concern to man and wife: it is also of great concern to
G-d.
“That would be detestable in the eyes of the Lord”,
reads the text from Devarim, while the context of the excerpy from Malachi
is that G-d is displeased with the behaviour of the Jews in relation to
the way they divorce their wives and therefore refuses to accept their
sacrifices.
This is a crucial point that complements, in a mirror image, the theological
position regarding marriage:
Just as marriage is perceived as a Divine act, in which G-d acts as
a Divine partner to the earthly marriage partners, so is divorce interpreted
as the breaking of a union that has been sanctified by G-d.
Here, perhaps, we should stress once again the idea of Jewish life
as an attempt to create a society that is sanctified by G-d: thus, Jews
have traditionally considered their way of life to be an attempt to live
up to a Divine set of rules and to build the sort of life mandated by
G-d.
This factor has been reflected time and time again in exploring life cycle
events and it cannot be stressed too highly. The idea of G-d as a partner
in marriage and divorce, for example, is not just a fanciful folkloristic
whim, but a serious theological position put forward by a society of people
who view themselves as attempting to live a G-dly way of life and believe
that G-d was – and is – an active partner in everyday life.
Another point that appears to emerge clearly from both
these passages is the fact that divorce is the prerogative of the man.
There is no reference to any active say of the wife in divorce: the husband
makes the decision and the wife is divorced. It seems a very clear-cut
example of a law where the man is the active partner and the woman is
passive.
Nor is anything said about any rights that the woman might have in the
case of any protection that she might gain. In practical terms, the fact
that the divorce is frowned upon theologically might act as something
of a social deterrent against too frequent or arbitrary divorce; but in
terms of the woman's defence, if a man were to decide on divorce, there
appears to be no recourse.
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