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 CHAPTER
FIVE:Those Who don’t Fit the Model: Family Situations and Status
in Judaism and the Jewish World
4A. Challenge Number Two: Widows and Widowers
The second category in this context is that of the widow and the widower.
At the outset, it should be noted that, although the widow and the widower
are in the same situation from many points of view, the Tanach mentions
the widow -  –
extensively, but not so the widower.
In addition it is worth pointing out that the widow is almost always mentioned
in terms of her need for protection. For example, we hear G-d telling
the people the following:
You shall not mistreat a stranger, nor oppress him, because you
were strangers in Egypt. You shall not take advantage of a widow or
an orphan. If you do and they cry out to Me, I will certainly hear their
cry. My anger will be aroused and I will kill you with the sword: your
wives will become widows and your children fatherless.
Shemot 22:20-23
In Psalms, we find the following description of G-d:
A father of the fatherless and a judge of widows is G-d in His
holy habitation.
Psalm 68:6
Likewise, the Prophets talk extensively of the need to give justice to
the widow. From all of this we see clearly that the widow – as opposed
to the widower – was considered a vulnerable member of society and
in definite need of protection. Presumably, there were many widows who
were not in such a defenceless situation, women of independent means who
could fend for themselves after their husband’s death, but they
must have been the exceptions to the rule.
- The widow clearly needed help and defence from society and this would
have important legal implications for the status of the widow in Judaism.
From a legal – as opposed to a psychological or emotional
- viewpoint, there would be considerable distinctive legislation in
the Halachah to protect the rights of the widow; the widower could fend
for himself. Much of this related to the distribution of property
after the death of a husband.
In Judaism, the widow does not automatically receive the property of
the deceased husband, which passes to his children or his designated
heirs.
However, those heirs hold a series of obligations towards the widow:
- They must firstly pay her back the value designated in the Ketubah,
the marriage certificate discussed in the last chapter, which is
an essential part of the marriage ceremony.
- In addition, they must pay her a regular agreed sum for her maintenance.
- She also has the right to reside in at least part of the property
that she inhabited together with her husband and her own movable
property cannot be confiscated by her husband’s creditors.
We will return to the situation of the widow and her legal status following
her husband’s death. However, it is first appropriate to talk a
little more generally of the situation of the person whose marriage partner
passes away.
The widow or the widower is encouraged by Judaism to remarry. This is
clear from a recap of the reasons for the encouragement of marriage in
Judaism throughout the ages:
- Certainly, in the cases of older men or, more especially, women,
who are past the age of child-bearing, the obligation to procreate is
not going to be an incentive to a second marriage, but it would have
been a consideration in earlier generations with higher overall mortality
of both adults and children;
- The sexual urge, once again, while perhaps a factor, is unlikely
to play a primary role among older people, but in earlier times many
people were widowed at a young age and it would have been important;
- The issue of loneliness, however, is just as relevant for a second
marriage as for a first, and Judaism has no hesitation in encouraging
widows and widowers to remarry, even at an older age.
One interesting aspect relates to the time that has to pass before the
widow or widower is allowed to remarry:
- The widow must not remarry for three months, in order that any unknown
pregnancy from her deceased husband will reveal itself before she remarries.
Beyond that consideration, she is free to remarry whenever she wants,
although a second-time widow needs to seek rabbinical approval for a
third marriage.
- Not so the man: the Halachah in the Talmud says that three regalim
or Pilgrim Festivals (i.e. Pesach, Shavuot and Succot) must pass before
he can marry again, amounting to a period of around six months. The
reason given by the medieval Sages for this Halachah was to
allow the happiness of the festivals to wash away the depression of
the widower and to enable him to relate properly to a new wife.
This in itself is an interesting psychological insight, but even more
interesting are the contradictory three exceptions to the rule that allow
a widower to marry far earlier than this.
- If he has no children from his first marriage, he can marry almost
immediately, to fulfill the commandment of procreation.
- If he has young children, he can marry after a month to someone
who can help him with the children.
- If he cannot fend for himself without a wife, he is likewise
able to waive the longer waiting period and remarry after a month.
Encapsulated in one instant, is an entire cluster of values that provide
meaningful insight into the inner workings of the Jewish culture.
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