CHAPTER THREE - Adolescent Issues and Coming-of-Age Ceremonies

C: EDUCATIONAL ACTIVITIES

33. Changing Boys, Changing Girls

Up to an hour and a half.
Type: Cognitive assessment of awareness

The aim of this activity is to raise a number of questions of the differences between boys and girls, in terms of the celebration of Bar and Bat Mitzvah.

• Raise with the group the question of the age of “Mitzvah” in Judaism. Perhaps, open with the Mishnaic source already used in the first activity, regarding the age of responsibility for girls and boys.

  A girl eleven years and one day – her vows must be examined [to see if she understood the significance of what she was doing]. If she is twelve years and one day her vows are valid...
  A boy twelve years old and one day – his vows must be examined. If he is thirteen years and one day old, his vows are valid…
  When they are younger than this, even though they say, “We know in whose name we have vowed it”… their vow is no vow. But when they are older than this, even though they say, “We know not in whose name we vowed it”… their vow is a valid one…
  Mishnah: Niddah 5:6

• Draw attention to the different ages for boys and girls in the source. Ask how the group understands this difference.
• Divide the girls from the boys and in single sex groups (either one large group for each, or several smaller groups).
  Each group should examine how they feel about the difference and formulate a serious position on the question:
  Should boys and girls have a coming-of-age ceremony at different ages? The group should think of a number of reasons to justify their position.
  Another question that each group should be asked is:
  How do they think the other sex will feel about the issue? If they feel that their position will not be accepted by some members of the opposite sex, they should think about how to persuade them.
• Connect groups of boys and girls to exchange and explore their positions, simply at the level of exchange - not argument.
  Explain that they may question each other, in order to clarify positions but there should not be any overt attempts to persuade each other.
• Bring the whole group back together to discuss the issue, in an attempt to formulate a group position on what is acceptable to the majority of the group, and both sexes.
• The next question is about the character of the ceremony. Remind the group of the essential elements of the Bar Mitzvah ceremony.

  TORAH
  SE’UDAH
  DRASHAH
  TEFILLIN
  BLESSINGS

• Explain to the group:
  • That the Bar Mitzvah is older than the Bat Mitzvah ceremony; therefore, those who decided to introduce a ceremony for girls needed to decide what the elements of the ceremony should be.
  • In addition, neither ceremony is particularly “ancient” and that there is no official tradition regarding the marking of the coming-of-age in a ceremony. This means that people are free to choose what goes into a ceremony, both for boys and for girls.
    The question to be discussed is:
    What should be the elements of a Bat Mitzvah ceremony for girls?
• Once again divide the group into the single sex groups. Allow each group some time to think which are the ideal elements for a girl’s ceremony.
  • Which of the boys’ elements, if any, should be taken into a ceremony for girls?
• When the groups have formulated a position, once again divide the participants into small mixed groups to exchange, explore and clarify their positions to each other.
• Finally, bring them together into the full group. The entire group should once again attempt to formulate a position that is acceptable to the majority of the group of both sexes.
• Review:
  • What original ideas emerged?
  • What was retained?
  • What issues and problems were addressed?
  • How would these ideas be implemented?
  • How different, or similar, were the meanings of these ideas to traditional Jewish intentions and formats?