CHAPTER THREE - Adolescent Issues and Coming-of-Age Ceremonies

A: BACKGROUND

12. RECOGNISING THE PROBLEM: VULGARITY AS A SYMPTOM

The answer to the interconnected questions about ostentatious Bnei Mitzvah celebrations is complex and cannot be addressed in all its details and aspects here. Nevertheless, a few major points should be noted.

• Firstly, it should be stated unequivocally that a problem exists.
  The moment that the centre of a life cycle ceremony changes, to the extent that the ceremony no longer remains appropriate to the meaning originally embodied in the ceremony, it is clear that a danger exists to the integrity of the ceremony.
• If one of the central concepts behind a life cycle ceremony is that this is an opportunity to transmit a series of messages to the individual and to reinforce the feeling of identity, when a time of change and uncertainty is at hand, then a substantial change in social norms and messages transmitted clearly constitute a threat to the integrity of the ceremony and its validity.
• If the ceremony does not take place at the appropriate time for the messages to be internalised, then the messages are likely to remain unabsorbed and ultimately meaningless for the participant.
• Moreover, the ceremony is likely to ossify into an irrelevant shell that is no longer filled by the authentic values that were originally present.
• This, in turn, is likely to cause a vacuum of meaning that leads either to the withering of the ceremony, or to filling the shell with shallow, less desirable values, in the absence of something more substantial.

To a large extent, in parts of the western world, one of the outcomes of change of significance and timing problems has been a pronounced tendency towards a massive, materialistic vulgarisation of the Bar and Bat Mitzvah.

This problem is not new, however: many generations ago, there was a already concern in certain communities at the fact that the celebrations were becoming too elaborate. Similarly, many attempts have been made over time to limit the celebratory aspect to what was considered suitable proportions, and not only made in relation to Bar Mitzvah celebrations - wedding feasts and circumcision celebrations were also limited – and all these for two main reasons:

• Firstly, it was clear that there many families were spending beyond their means, at least partly in order to keep up with community norms that had developed.
• In addition, over-elaborate celebrations often provided ammunition for antisemitic accusations of Jewish affluence.

Another reason that the issue of over-elaborate consumption should be addressed today goes beyond either of these considerations: there has been a pronounced tendency in many western communities to develop celebrations around the Bar Mitzvah to extreme levels. The reasons behind this trend and the implications give cause for serious concern.

In many cases, it appears that the Bar Mitzvah has become the occasion of a vast, materialistic orgy in which the main value is to put the wealth of the family on display. An entire entertainment industry has built up around the celebratory aspect that, at least in its more extreme aspects, demands to be questioned. This is largely a tendency of the last forty or fifty years, as parts of the Jewish communities in the West have, indeed, become extremely wealthy.

It could be argued that one of the major reasons, is that the Bar Mitzvah has lost its original, deep and far-reaching meaning for large percentages of the Jewish world.

This is not solely a matter of the era in which we live: the thorough-going secularisation of much of the Jewish world has also taken its toll.

Both these two factors combined have had a tremendously debilitating effect on the Bar Mitzvah as a meaningful ceremony for many young people. As a result, a vacuum of meaning has been created and subsequently filled by shallow, and often vulgar, materialistic values – poor substitutes for the original, profound meaning associated with this coming-of-age ceremony. Under such circumstances, instead of a consciousness of transition of status, acceptance and support within the community, the Bar Mitzvah's most tangible gain and value will be a cynical vestige of the celebration: the value of the presents that he or she receives.

An interesting discussion on the pros and cons of the issue took place in August 1999 in the columns of the “Jerusalem Report” magazine.

The Report invited two thirteen year old girls to discuss the issue of the elaborate Bat Mitzvah. Both girls had a Bat Mitzvah celebration, with one being celebrated in much more elaborate style than the other; the discussion on both sides was intelligent and well argued.

Anne, who had the more expensive celebration, employed arguments such as the desirability of celebrating in a special manner: she felt that this by no means drew attention away from the special character of the celebration.

“The finest silver kiddush cup doesn’t diminish the spirituality of Shabbat”, she said.

Sarah, the second girl, took issue with this: she felt that an over-elaborate celebration would detract from the values at the heart of the tradition.

“If you have a huge party, that’s what is going to be on everyone’s mind, rather than the tradition. The main point of this simha (celebration) is to see the first time that a child reads from the Torah, not the party,” she wrote.

The discussion served to draw attention to the issue in an open and non-judgmental manner.