Chapter 1 - Preparing For Children: Life Questions

A: Background

9. A MINYAN OF KIDS? THE QUESTION OF FAMILY SIZE

Another interesting question that relates to the attitude of the tradition towards birth, albeit one that does not create the same degree of personal conflict in the minds of modern Jews, is the issue of the desirable number of children.

• Is there a minimum obligation of prospective parents regarding family size?
• When has the mitzvah of having children according to the idea of "be fruitful and multiply" been fulfilled?
• Does such a consideration exist and how does it relate to the question of children of different gender?

According to Judaism these questions do have answers. The primary text for this is found in the Mishnah in Seder Yebamot where we hear of the following disagreement between the two schools of Rabbinic thought, the House of Hillel and the House of Shammai.

No man may abstain from keeping the law "be fruitful and multiply" unless he already has children; according to the School of Shammai, two sons; according to the School of Hillel, a son and a daughter since it is written (Bereishit 5:2) "male and female He created them." (Yebamot 6:6)

As is usual in Jewish law, where there are disputes between the two schools, the Halacha goes with the House of Hillel. However, as in so many other cases, it is not deemed generally satisfactory to have merely filled the minimum requirements.

The traditional understanding is that large numbers of children are desirable and that a woman should continue to have children until her child-bearing years are over, as long as her health is not impaired. Traditional families today tend to be larger than ever, due to the improvements in medical technology that prevent the high rate of infant mortality prevalent throughout all but recent history. It is not rare to find families of ten or more children in the most orthodox sections of the Jewish world. The rationale for this comes out of a combination of the "be fruitful and multiply" commandment with the complementary Jewish idea of what is called "Bitachon baShem", namely trusting in G-d to provide for all his creatures. This leads to a perspective which sees taking steps to limit family size as a lack of belief in G-d's providence.