CHAPTER ONE - PREPARING FOR CHILDREN

Part Three: Educational Activities

We bring here a number of short educational activities on some of the issues in this chapter. We do not recommend using all of the activities together, but choosing those most relevant for your group or class.

29. The Jewish Family Stereotype
(One to one and a half hours)

The aim of this first program is to examine some of the stereotypes associated with the Jewish family, in order to see whether they are justified and what they say about the centrality of the family in Judaism.

• Divide the group up into three parts. Each group has a few minutes to write down a list of associations for one of the following: a Jewish mother, a Jewish father and a Jewish family.

• When they have prepared their list they bring it to the entire group explaining their choices. The group should relate evaluating the list to see whether or not they agree. After each word or phrase is presented and evaluated their should be a vote. Two thirds of the group need to agree that the association is a fair association, in order for it to be left on the list. The wider group can offer up to three additional ideas which can be evaluated and voted on in a similar manner. We are thus left with three lists which are seen as a fair reflection of the term in question by the group as a whole.

• Now focus on the list relating to Jewish family.
  
  • What are the essential characteristics of the Jewish family as it appears on that list?
  • How important is the family in Judaism?
  • If the group feels that the family is central, can they suggest why that should be?
    
    If the group feels it is not central, explain to them that the close-knit family is often seen both by people inside of and outside of the culture as a central characteristic of Jewish life.

• Suggest three reasons and ask them to relate to the relative importance of each of these ideas as they see them.

• How do they feel about the fact that in their culture, the family is so central? Is it a positive thing for them? Why? Is it a negative thing for them in any way?

• Finish with the following quote from the Talmud.

Rabbi Tanhum said in the name of Rabbi Hanilai; When a man is without a wife he lives without joy, without blessing and without good…Rav bar Ulla added; Also without peace.
Bab Talmud, Tractate Yebamot, 62b

What does the group think about this idea?

30. HANNAH'S HEARTBREAK
Text sources, role play, review. (One to one and a half hours)

The aim of this activity is to give an opportunity to explore issues of children in Judaism through examining the question of barrenness in Judaism and some of the emotions associated with it. The primary vehicle here is the story of Hannah, the mother of Samuel, in the First Book of Samuel.

· Begin by asking the group whether they can think of any women who had problems conceiving in the Tanach. If they cannot think of any, prompt their memory by asking, for example about Sarah. Mention the women mentioned in the body of the text, namely Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, the mother of Samson and Hannah. Perhaps look at one or two of the examples. Ask what it means when there is such an emphasis in the tradition on infertility and the problems that accompany it.

· Now look in detail at the Hannah text. Go through the text. Emphasize that before she makes the vow, Hannah weeps much and prays. (Verse 10). Emphasize the character of her prayer as mentioned in verses twelve to fourteen.

· Ask each person in the group to go away and attempt to write the sort of prayer that Hannah might have prayed in the circumstances described. It might be good to do this in a room with soft lighting and music, conducive to the writing that you want the participants to create.

· The participants should share their compositions and explain what they feel was going on in Hannah's mind.

· Finally, explain to the participants that Hannah's prayer is seen as the model for spontaneous prayer in Judaism. Ask why this might be and what it says about the question of fertility in Judaism.

· As an alternative to a part of the activity it is possible to dramatize the scene between Eli and Hannah, and perhaps to put some of the prayers that the group write into her mouth.

31. RESPONDING TO RACHEL (Rachel Bluwstein)
Text discussion and role play. (One to one and a half hours)

The aim here is to provide another vehicle to examine attitudes to child bearing in Judaism through the issue of barrenness. It is based around a famous poem by the poetess Rachel. Rachel, who lived most of her life in Eretz Israel in the first decades of the twentieth century, wrote a very moving poem about her childlessness. She wrote it in 1928 when she was 38, three years before her death as a single woman, without a child.

BARREN

If only I had a son, a little child, bright, with black curls,
To hold his hand and to walk slowly,
Down the paths of the garden,
A child.
A little one.

I would call him Uri, my Uri,
The short name is soft and pure,
A fragment of brightness,
I'll call out to my dark little boy,
"Uri."

I will yet become as bitter as the mother Rachel.
I will still pray like Hannah at Shilo.
I will yet long
For him.

· Ask the group why it is hard for many people who find themselves without children. Ask them if they think it is harder or easier for people, specifically within the Jewish tradition, not to have children, or whether it makes no difference what culture people are born into, in this respect?

· Present the poem to the group. Explain that Rachel wrote this when she was a famous Tel Aviv poet, very sick with tuberculosis, three years before her death.

· Explore the references to Rachel, the matriarch and to Hannah at Shilo. What is she saying by bringing in these other examples of barren women?

· Ask them to write a response to the poem. Perhaps suggest that they have just received the poem from a friend, or alternatively, that they have read the poem at the time that it was written and that Rachel is one of their favorite poets.

· Read the responses. Is there anything that can be said at a time like this? Do they feel that their words could make a difference?

· Explain that there have been attempts to create caring community rituals in order to comfort woman that have had no children. Ask what sort of elements might be included in such a ceremony. For an example of one such ceremony you can refer to the book "Lifecycles" mentioned in the bibliography, where a ceremony is outlined (pp. 40-43).

32. APOCALYPSE THEN
Text-based controversy. (About one hour)

The aim here is to explore the importance of children in the tradition by examining a text of desperation. We suggest the following analysis of the piece from the Apocalypse of Baruch quoted in the main body of the text. This piece raises the question of those who feel that there is no future, that life has become meaningless, and that there is no point in going on and bringing children into the world.

· Ask the members of the group to think to themselves of a time when something happened to them that made them feel terribly sad. Ask them to focus on the moment for themselves and explain to them that they are not going to be asked to share the moment with the rest of the group.

· Now give them the text of the apocalypse.

Blessed is the one who has not been born,
Or who having been born, has died,
But as for those of us who are alive,
We ache because we see the afflictions of Zion and Jerusalem's fate…
Women, pray for barrenness,
For barren women will be the happiest, those without sons will be glad,
And those with sons will grieve.
Why should a woman bear children in pain, only to bury them in grief?
Why should we have sons?
Why should we give names to our seed,
When the mother Jerusalem is desolate and her sons are captive.

Explain that this was written by a Jew who felt hopelessly sad after a great tragedy happened to the Jews. See whether they can suggest what event might have brought this on. They should clarify their answers. Explain the background to the piece.

· Ask them which lines in this lament particularly touch them. Why?

· Now focus on the lines relating to the pointlessness of birth in these circumstances.

· Break up into small groups, with half the groups preparing a list of points that deepen the feelings of the author of the text that there is no point to have more children. The other half of the groups should try and prepare arguments to answer "Baruch" regarding the same issue of having children.

· Now put one group from each side together to discuss the issue of whether or not Jews should have children in the circumstances in which the piece was written.

· In conclusion bring the group together and ask them how the debate looks to them from the perspective of two thousand years later. How do they think the author of "Baruch" would feel today about the piece that he wrote back then?

33. CHILDREN AS A RESPONSE TO THE SHOAH
(One to one and a half hours)

The aim here is to examine the importance of children as an expression of faith in a Jewish future. You should explain to the group the idea was put forward by a number of thinkers over the years, to the effect that one of the best responses that Jews can have to the Holocaust is to have many children, thus denying Hitler and Nazism a demographic victory over the Jews.

· Organize a formal debate to this effect around a motion, such as:-

THIS GROUP BELIEVES THAT JEWS SHOULD SEE THEMSELVES AS MORALLY OBLIGED TO BRING CHILDREN INTO THE WORLD AS A RESPONSE TO THE HOLOCAUST.

· The debate should be run formally, with speakers for and against the motion and a chairperson to moderate. At the end, a vote should be taken and then a discussion should be run out of role, in order to explore the idea of children as a survival mechanism for the Jewish People.

34. BIRTH PANGS AND BIRTH PRESSURES
(One and a half to two hours)

The aim of this activity is to examine the pressures and counter-pressures that many young Jews feel about the question of conceiving children and starting a family. Our primary vehicle for examining these issues will be the story mentioned in the body of the text, "The Phantom Child," by Aviva Cantor, 1980.

The story in question tells of the inner struggle of a modern Jewish woman who finds that she is pregnant and tries to decide whether or not to have the child. The narrator, an identified liberal Jew, brings in all the various considerations that go through her mind as she struggles with the decision. Among the factors that push her towards the decision to have the child are questions of Jewish continuity, the Holocaust, the Jewish tradition and her responsibilities towards those of her own family who were unable to have children.

· Ask the group if the idea of having children is important in the Jewish tradition. (If they have done some of the previous activities this should be an easy question for them to answer.) Whether they have done so or not, go through the three primary reasons suggested above with them, to explain the reasons for the centrality of children in the Jewish tradition.

1. The family roots of the Jewish saga as represented in the book of Bereishit. Discuss.

2. The idea of "be fruitful and multiply." Explain that it is seen as the first commandment in the Torah.

3. The question of the challenge of Jewish survival in Diaspora history.

· Now ask the group whether everyone wants children. List the reasons why young married couples might decide not to have children, either at a specific time, or not at all.

· Give the participants copies of the story in question (see bibliography for where to find it).

· After the group has read the story, divide them into pairs or small groups. They should then construct a diagram which is composed of a large circle with an arrow leading into and away from the circle. The arrows leading into the circle represent the factors that lead the narrator to want to have the baby. The larger the arrow, the more important is the factor in question. The arrows leading from the circle outwards represent the factors that lead the narrator not to want to have the baby. The larger the arrow, the greater the factor in question. The diagrams can be done in two colors for ease of presentation.

· Now the small groups should present their findings in the course of a general discussion and a list should be made of the two sets of factors that the group found, with discussion, regarding the perceived relative importance of each factor. Finally, the word autonomy should be put on the "board", and the discussion should conclude with an explanation of what human autonomy means and how we come to our decisions today.

· Finally, the group can be asked where they think they will stand on these issues; i.e. which of the factors on the board resonate for them at this time of their lives.

35. MAKING MEN AND WOMEN
(About one and a half hours)

The aim of this activity is to get the participants to think about their own gender and about how Judaism differentiates between genders.

· Ask the participants to spend about ten minutes considering the question how they feel about being born as the gender that they are.
Are the boys glad to be boys?
Are the girls glad to be girls?
Why? Why not? They should write down a few notes.

· Divide the group up according to gender - boys in one group, girls in another. If either group is too large for discussion they should be split, but kept in their own gender groups. Let them exchange their ideas. Since this is a subject that is likely to provoke embarrassment manifested in "giggly behavior," you should do whatever you need to do in order to create a serious atmosphere - encourage, set time limits.

· Now pair the boys and girls off, or if the numbers don't work, create the smallest groups possible with at least one of person of each sex in each group.

Let them explain to each other what they have come up with and, in addition, perhaps add other thoughts that they heard within their gender groups previously.

· At this point each individual should be given the traditional daily brachot (blessings) that relate to gender. They are said during the Birchat HaShachar (morning blessings).

The boys' bracha is as follows:
áøåê àúä ä' àìå÷éðå îìê äòåìí ùìà òùðé àùä
Blessed are you, L-rd of the universe, who did not make me a woman.

The girls' bracha is as follows:
áøåê àúä ä' àìå÷éðå îìê äòåìí ùòùðé ëøöåðå
Blessed are you, L-rd of the universe who made me according to His will.

In addition, it should be made clear to all the participants that the traditional explanation of the difference - and specifically of the meaning of the men's bracha - is that men are thanking G-d for the opportunity to perform additional precepts (mitzvot) that men have to do according to Judaism. Many mitzvot are obligatory for men, but are not so for women.

· Each person should be given a few minutes to think about their reaction to the different brachot.

· Reassemble in mixed gender groups and have time to explain their reactions to each other, and to discuss/question each other over their reactions.

· Return to single gender groups and a number of proposals are offered to them. The following are then options, which they are asked to discuss with a view to choosing between them, in an attempt to come up with a majority group opinion. They are asked to explain how they came to their decision.
Options:
1. The traditional bracha found in almost all orthodox siddurim (prayer books):
The boys'/men's version:
áøåê àúä ä' àìå÷éðå îìê äòåìí ùìà òùðé àùä
Blessed are you, L-rd of the universe, who did not make me a woman.

The girls'/women's version:
áøåê àúä ä' àìå÷éðå îìê äòåìí ùòùðé ëøöåðå
Blessed are you, L-rd of the universe, who made me according to His will.

2. Certain Reform congregations (including the official siddur of the Israeli Reform Movement) and Conservative Congregations (including the official siddur of the American and Israeli Conservative Movement):
For all:
áøåê ùòùðé áöìîå
Blessed… who made me in His image.

3. An alternative suggestion of the Israeli Conservative movement.
For all to leave out the bracha completely.
4. A suggestion by the well-known Israeli modern Orthodox Rabbi, Shlomo Riskin.
For boys/men:
áøåê ùìà òùðé àùä åòùðé ëøöåðå
Blessed… who did not make me a woman and who made me according to His will.

For girls/women:
áøåê ùìà òùðé àéù åòùðé ëøöåðå
Blessed… who did not make me a man and who made me according to His will.

5. An additional possibility.
For boys/men:
áøåê ùòùðé âáø
Blessed… who made me a man.

For girls/women:
áøåê ùòùðé àùä
Blessed... who made me a woman.

6. An additional possibility.
For all:
áøåê ùòùðé ëøöåðå
Blessed… who made me according to His will.

7. A different suggestion from the group, an idea not mentioned here.

· The group should come back together and the different suggestions should be discussed. Finally, a concluding question that you might want to ask the whole group is:

Who do you think should make the decision as to which bracha should be used?