CHAPTER 1 - Preparing for Children

C: Educational Activities

34. Birth Pangs and Birth Pressures
(One and a half to two hours)

The aim of this activity is to examine the pressures and counter-pressures that many young Jews feel about the question of conceiving children and starting a family. Our primary vehicle for examining these issues will be the story mentioned in the body of the text, "The Phantom Child," by Aviva Cantor, 1980.

The story in question tells of the inner struggle of a modern Jewish woman who finds that she is pregnant and tries to decide whether or not to have the child. The narrator, an identified liberal Jew, brings in all the various considerations that go through her mind as she struggles with the decision. Among the factors that push her towards the decision to have the child are questions of Jewish continuity, the Holocaust, the Jewish tradition and her responsibilities towards those of her own family who were unable to have children.

• Ask the group if the idea of having children is important in the Jewish tradition. (If they have done some of the previous activities this should be an easy question for them to answer.) Whether they have done so or not, go through the three primary reasons suggested above with them, to explain the reasons for the centrality of children in the Jewish tradition.
1. The family roots of the Jewish saga as represented in the book of Bereishit. Discuss.
2. The idea of "be fruitful and multiply." Explain that it is seen as the first commandment in the Torah.
3. The question of the challenge of Jewish survival in Diaspora history.

• Now ask the group whether everyone wants children. List the reasons why young married couples might decide not to have children, either at a specific time, or not at all.

• Give the participants copies of the story in question (see bibliography for where to find it).

• After the group has read the story, divide them into pairs or small groups. They should then construct a diagram which is composed of a large circle with an arrow leading into and away from the circle. The arrows leading into the circle represent the factors that lead the narrator to want to have the baby. The larger the arrow, the more important is the factor in question. The arrows leading from the circle outwards represent the factors that lead the narrator not to want to have the baby. The larger the arrow, the greater the factor in question. The diagrams can be done in two colors for ease of presentation.

• Now the small groups should present their findings in the course of a general discussion and a list should be made of the two sets of factors that the group found, with discussion, regarding the perceived relative importance of each factor. Finally, the word autonomy should be put on the "board", and the discussion should conclude with an explanation of what human autonomy means and how we come to our decisions today.

· Finally, the group can be asked where they think they will stand on these issues; i.e. which of the factors on the board resonate for them at this time of their lives.