Chapter 1 - Preparing For Children: Life Questions

A: Background

2. To Have or not to Have - The Question of Children

The image of Jews and children seems a natural one. One of the foremost images (and stereotypes) of Jews, both to Jews themselves and to outside society is the idea of the Jewish family, and a Jewish family is always seen as including kids. The idea of the lonely celibate appears to have no place within normative Judaism - even though more than a few of these can be traced in Jewish history. Jewish life has almost always been played out within the arena of a community, and a community as we shall see, is seen as being comprised of families. These families are seen as being made up, at the very least, of parents and children.

It is noteworthy that the foundation stories of the Jewish tradition are family stories. We tell our history from its outset as the story of a family, who are traced in the book of Bereishit (Genesis) through a number of generations before they become a tribe, which becomes a series of tribes, which in turn becomes a nation.

Most cultures don't start telling their stories in terms of a family saga. More often than not, they start their stories on the collective level, talking of a tribe or a group of warriors who come to a place and settle it. Other cultures start with supernatural stories of mythical heroes who encounter the dangers of the world.

The Jewish story, however, starts at the end of chapter eleven of Bereishit where we are introduced to an [extra]ordinary man whose story will now become the focus of the biblical narrative. Interestingly, after the genealogical introduction, which consists of a large number of names listed in terms of who begat whom, the very first thing that we hear about Abram (as he is then) himself is the following.

And Abram and Nahor [his brother] took them wives. The name of Abram's wife was Sarai… But Sarai was barren, she had no child.
Bereishit 11:29-30.

And just so we should not think wrongly that the Bible approves of this status, much of the next few chapters is spent explaining the problematics of this status of childlessness and suggesting ways to move the present family / future People forward. This, of course, culminates in the first generation with the miraculous birth of Isaac.

Let us consider the narrative for a moment. Here is the foundation story of the Jews as a collective which Jews see as a Divinely revealed story. In addition, Judaism has evolved as a culture where there is not only enormous respect for the written word but where, in addition, nothing is seen as incidental in the Divine text; each word is considered to hold enormous truths underneath the surface. It should be clear, after even brief consideration, that in these circumstances, the family model would have a very central role in Judaism.