1
Introduction]
When & Where] The Funeral Procession]
The Funeral Home] The Rending Ritual]
Eulogies] Kaddish]
Mourner's Kaddish] Walking
to the Grave] Burial] Kaddish
HaGadol] El Malei Rachamim] Request
for Forgiveness] Leaving the Grave] Leaving
the Cemetery]
Introduction
Many burial practices have developed over the years, some of them
widespread and some practiced only by a small minority. Certain practices
are motivated by a desire to show respect for the dead, while others
stem from concern for the mourners and an attempt to help them come
to terms with their loss. Some of the customs deal with the soul-searching
that death seems to induce and others with the natural human fear
of death. Certain customs developed that are mystical and folkloric,
kabbalistic in origin, and based on accepted beliefs regarding death.
Most
of the burial practices are religious obligations that have a strong
basis in Jewish tradition. Some Jewish communities practice customs
whose status is more disputed. Someone who has difficulty relating
to these customs, and prefers not to observe them may do so and still
perform a burial which is 'according to the law of Moses and Israel.'
As a general rule, the chevra kadisha takes responsibility for the
deceased, and observes all the accepted Jewish practices concerning
it. Whatever relates, however, to the mourning family, is left to
its discretion, and the family may request that certain customs not
be performed.
What
follows is a general description of the burial ceremony. The precise
customs may vary from locale to locale and from one chevra kadisha
to another – a psalm, piyut, or verse might be added or the
order of the ceremony slightly altered. Certain local or communal
customs may also be observed.
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When
and Where
Burials are performed in cemeteries throughout the country. Cemeteries
are open throughout the day and during part of the night, but only
on weekdays (not on Shabbat nor on certain holidays). The funeral
time must be coordinated with the chevra kadisha. In certain places
the chevra kadisha will dictate the time based on its schedule. Elsewhere,
and wherever possible, the deceased's family will determine the time
that is most convenient. It is customary to perform the burial as
soon as possible, ideally on the same day.
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The
Funeral Procession
Generally, the chevra kadisha, responsible for the burial, transports
the deceased from the hospital in a hearse to the funeral procession.
Occasionally, the chevra kadisha will transport the deceased from
his home, and only on rare occasions is the deceased (in a temporary
coffin) first brought to a central location, where the public can
'pass before him' and offer their last respects.
Some
people, especially of Sephardic and Near Eastern origin, have the
custom of beginning the funeral procession from the deceased's home.
Those accompanying the deceased gather there and follow the body on
foot for a short while, and then drive the rest of the way to the
funeral home and cemetery. Any deviations from the standard funeral
procedure cost the chevra kadisha both in time and money, an expense
the family must cover. In many communities, it is customary to break
an earthenware vessel just outside the threshold of the house, as
a symbol of the vulnerability of life and of man.
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The
Funeral Home
The 'funeral home' or 'tent of prayer' is where people assemble to
eulogize the deceased and to begin the funeral procession. The body
is taken out of the hearse and several pallbearers carry the bier
to the funeral home. The pallbearers will sometimes rotate every few
minutes in order to allow as many people as possible this opportunity
to accord last respects to the deceased.
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The
Rending Ritual – K’riah
Family and close friends gather in the funeral home close to the podium
from which the eulogies will be delivered. Kohanim, who are forbidden
from standing under the same roof as the deceased unless he is immediate
family, generally have an outdoor shelter that overlooks the central
funeral hall. Before the eulogies begin, the body is brought into
an inner room in the funeral home, and immediate family (parents,
spouse, children, and siblings) approach, one by one, to perform the
ritual of k'riah (rending their garments). K'riah, of course, is only
performed with your assent. K’riah is likely to be very difficult
for the mourners since it is done in the presence of the deceased's
body. If you request, the chevra kadisha will uncover the deceased's
face for a moment. Usually, a family member will be asked to identify
the body being brought to burial.
The
rending ritual is a Jewish custom in which the mourners tear their
clothing as a symbol of the tear in their souls caused by anguish
over their relative's passing. The Biblical precedent for this custom
is Jacob's rending of his clothes in mourning over Joseph, his son,
whom he presumed dead (Genesis 37:34). The Bible connects mourning
and grieving with rending of clothing in multiple narratives. In the
Talmudic period, mourners customarily tore their own clothing the
moment they saw or heard about their relative's passing. Nowadays,
mourners generally do k'riah in the funeral home, while the deceased
lies before them. The tear is made in the outer garment (shirt) above
the chest, on the left side (location of the heart) for parents, and
on the right side for other relatives. The tear must be significant,
approximately 8.5 centimeters (3.5 inches), and made with a knife,
not scissors. Usually, a member of the chevra kadisha starts the tear,
and then the mourner extends it by pulling the torn flap downward.
The mourner stands (if possible) during the k'riah, and afterwards
recites a blessing declaring that God is the true judge:
Mourners
customarily do not change their torn garments for the duration of
shiva. If one's tear is too large, one may close it up with a safety
pin so that it will serve as a symbol of mourning. After shiva, some
people have the custom to discard their torn garment.