Introduction
In the short time (often no longer than a day or even a few hours)
between notification of death and the actual burial there is much
to be done. The chevra kadisha makes some of the necessary arrangements,
but the family is responsible for others. You may consider hiring
professionals to take care of these arrangements for you.
In
the period between the deceased's death and his burial, immediate
relatives (mother, father, brother, sister, son, daughter, and spouse)
are considered onenim. An onen, according to Jewish tradition, is
one 'whose deceased [relative] lies before him', in other words, one
who is overwhelmed by the loss. The assumption is that an onen is
completely absorbed in his mourning and in preparations for the burial.
Consequently, he is exempt from all traditional Jewish responsibilities
such as prayer or blessings. The laws of mourning commence at this
time. Thus traditional Jews who are onenim do not bathe, cut their
hair, shave, use creams (for non-medicinal purposes), attend festive
occasions, study Torah, eat meat and drink wine, or have marital relations.
Arrangements
Made by the Family
Time
and Place
At first you should contact a chevra kadisha to coordinate, based
on where you live and the place of death, the time of the funeral
and the cemetery in which the deceased will be buried. It is customary
to bury the deceased as soon as possible, so that there won't be a
need to leave the corpse overnight without burial. Nevertheless, be
sure to take into account the time you need to notify people of the
funeral. If the deceased died in the afternoon or evening, it will
be difficult to arrange a funeral for the same night, though some
people and chevra kadishas still prefer to do so. The primary consideration
in making this decision ought to be respect for the deceased: one
must strike a balance between the need to show respect by burying
quickly and the respect accorded by having more people attend the
funeral. Of course, one must also consider the deceased's family,
and, if a close relative lives abroad, it is customary to wait for
him and to set the funeral time accordingly.
Coordinating
with the Chevra Kadisha
As early as possible, you should coordinate the time of the funeral
with the chevra kadisha to ensure that there will be gravediggers
available for your loved one’s burial and that there are no
burials taking place in the same area of the cemetery simultaneously.
If you suspect that a minyan (a quorum of ten men above the age of
13) will not attend the funeral and it is important to you to say
Kaddish, verify whether the chevra kadisha can assemble a minyan for
you. If you are from a family of kohanim, inform the chevra kadisha
of this from the outset.
Special
Burial Arrangements
If you want special arrangements such as flaxen shrouds, a tallit
for the funeral, or a special route for the funeral procession, arrange
for this in advance – you need to inform the chevra kadisha
and coordinate with them, order the various articles and services,
and pay for them. Burial in a coffin or in clothing other than shrouds
is discouraged (under normal circumstances) according to traditional
Jewish practice in Israel, so chevra kadishas will generally not agree
to these requests.
Obtaining
a Burial Permit
Chevra kadishas are not authorized to perform burials without a burial
permit issued by the Health Ministry. In order to get this permit,
you need to bring the proper documents to the Health Ministry's department
for burial permits in your district.
•
If the death took place in a hospital - you need:
1.
3 copies of the death report (from the hospital)
2. The deceased's ID card (or a photocopy of the card)
•
If the death took place elsewhere, and MDA staff pronounced him dead,
you need:
1.
3 copies of the death report (from the MDA doctor)
2. A medical report from MDA
3. The deceased's ID card (or a photocopy)
4. If the circumstances of death are unclear, also bring a letter
from the police stating that no criminal act is linked to the death.
Make sure that the police take only one copy of the death report,
and that you are left with at least two originals.
During
the Health Department's office hours, the hospital's admissions desk
can send the death report and receive the burial permit by fax, to
save you running from office to office. If the hospital is not equipped
for this or the death took place at home, you will need to go personally
to the Health Ministry in order to receive a burial permit. If the
death took place after the department's office hours, and the funeral
is planned for that same day – the chevra kadisha will take
the necessary documents and arrange the matter through the Ministry
of Health's night hotline. In certain localities, the chevra kadisha
assumes responsibility for this entire matter, even during the day.
Guidelines may be hanging on the door of the Health Ministry’s
office regarding whom to call during evening hours, or directing you
to the emergency room of the relevant hospital. Take note: the Ministry
of Health’s burial permit department should have a request form
for a death certificate from the Interior Ministry. If you are already
there and they do in fact have the form – fill it out on the
spot and a death certificate will be mailed directly to your house.
If you did not arrange the death certificate at this time, you can
do so at the Interior Ministry even after the burial (the death report
that you received from the physician is not an official, legal death
certificate, like the one issued by the Interior Ministry).
For a list and contact details of departments that issue burial permits,
contact the ITIM hotline 1-700-500-507
Notifying
Friends and Family
After you set a time and place for the funeral, you need to notify
friends and family of the deceased and of the mourners. Chevra kadishas
operate on tight schedules, and often must insist on adhering to times
that were set for the eulogy and the funeral procession. The mourners
themselves do not need to spend hours on the phone, notifying people
about the funeral. Instead, identify one responsible person in each
of your circles of acquaintances (work, neighbors, family on each
side, etc.) and let them pass on the message.
Death
Notices
If you are interested in placing death announcements in newspapers
or on bulletin boards (though there is no obligation to do so), contact
one of the private firms that specialize in this service. These businesses
provide the service immediately, and most are willing to hang signs
throughout an area for an additional fee. Before contracting the job,
decide where you want the signs hung and their precise wording. Remember
to include the address of where the mourners will sit shiva (seven
days of mourning), the list of mourners, the deceased’s full
name, and – if you plan to have daily prayer services in the
mourner’s home –the times of prayer as well. The printer
will have several commonly used formulations for the death notices
for you to choose from. You will generally be charged based on the
number of lines. Make sure to keep a few notices to hang in the entranceway
to the mourners' building and on their door.
Eulogies
The deceased's immediate family must decide who will deliver the eulogies
at the funeral home. Try to resolve this issue as early as possible
so that whoever assumes this serious responsibility will have as much
time as possible to devote to it. Try not to speak too long: remember
that those attending the funeral will be standing for quite a while,
often in crowded conditions and uncomfortable weather. Appoint someone
to be in charge of coordinating the time of the eulogies with the
chevra kadisha. Friends may request to say a few words at the funeral;
this can be dignified and moving but, sometimes, it can be offensive
to the family.
What
to Bring to the Funeral
The walk to the gravesite and the burial ceremony is likely to be
long. Even the young and strong, and certainly the elderly, will find
the ceremony emotionally and physically taxing. Prepare accordingly:
bring warm clothing in the winter, and water bottles and a head covering
to protect yourself from the sun in the summer. Bring folding chairs
if you are expecting elderly or sick people to attend. Bring tissues,
and if you wish to cover your eyes, dark sunglasses. At traditional
funerals, it is generally customary to cover one's head; take kippot
for the men and kerchiefs or hats for the women. If the deceased was
a male who owned a tallit, bring it with you, since it is customary
to wrap him in it at the time of the funeral.
Proper
Attire
This question may seem out of place, since after all, what difference
does attire make at a time like this? Yet, at a traditional ceremony
the deceased's immediate relatives (parents, siblings, and spouse)
rend their shirts and continue to wear these all seven days of mourning.
After shiva, many people also follow the custom of discarding this
clothing. For the most part traditional Jews do not follow the Western
custom of wearing black as a sign of mourning.
Preparing
the House for Shiva (Seven Days of Mourning)
If you have chosen to observe the laws of shiva, you will need to
decide in which house to sit. Take into account both the location
and size of the mourners’ home: be sure that there is adequate
space to seat all the visitors, for conducting prayer services, and
for the mourners to rest. Some people have the custom to build a 'mourners'
tent' near the house, by stretching a sheet over a designated area
outside (for shade) and setting up chairs there. One must equip the
'house of mourning' with memorial candles, a large number of chairs,
and – if prayer services will be held there – siddurim,
kippot, and a Torah scroll. Any unnecessary furniture or valuables
that could be damaged should be removed, low seats should be set up
for the mourners, and the mirrors should be covered. It isn't necessary
to complete all the arrangements before the funeral, but one should
take into account that the stream of visitors will probably begin
immediately after the funeral.
Se'udat
Havra'ah (Meal of Condolence)
Upon your return from the cemetery, it is customary to sit down to
a se'udat havra'ah. This is the first meal that the mourners eat after
the burial, and it is customary to eat round foods at it, such as
eggs, lentils, and bagels, symbolizing the cycle of life and death.
Traditional practices of mourning attempt to strike a balance between
expressing one's suffering and recognizing the need to resume one’s
daily life. Thus, the first moment of mourning is connected to a meal.
It is customary for friends and relatives to provide the food for
this meal, to demonstrate their concern for the mourners' welfare.
Arrangements
Made by the Chevra Kadisha
In
general, the chevra kadisha is responsible for transporting the deceased
from his place of death, watching over his body, and tending to it
until the burial. During this period of time, the chevra kadisha carries
out several tasks:
Transporting
the Body to the Funeral Home
In every city or municipality there is a central place where bodies
are kept until their burial. The chevra kadisha transfers the body
from this place to the funeral home and then to the cemetery. The
chevra kadisha will also take care of any additional transfers for
a fee, which varies depending on the specific burial society and the
city.
1.
If the deceased died in his house or on the street, the family is
responsible for ordering an ambulance to transport the body to a hospital
or storage facility. In certain cities, the chevra kadisha provides
this service.
2.
If the deceased died in a hospital, the chevra kadisha will generally
transfer him directly to the storage facility.
3.
If there are problems identifying the body or certain unnatural circumstances
of death, the police will most likely send the body to the Institute
of Forensic Medicine at Abu Kabir and then take care of bringing the
body to the funeral home. In certain exceptional cases, however, you
will need to hire a private ambulance to bring the body to the main
funeral home (from where the chevra kadisha will transport it to the
relevant cemetery).
Tahara
This ceremony, performed to show respect for the deceased, includes
washing the deceased's body, dressing him, and preparing him for burial.
Members of the chevra kadisha, called mitaskim, perform these tasks.
Between 3 and 6 people work on each body, with only men doing the
tahara on men and only women on women. These mitaskim show the utmost
respect for the deceased, never forgetting that every man was created
in the image of God.
The
tahara is done in a specially designated room, generally located near
the funeral home. The deceased is placed on a special plank, with
his legs pointing in the direction of the door and his head toward
the interior of the room, symbolizing that upon death, man abandons
temporal existence and the impurity symbolized by the legs, and what
remains is his soul, symbolized by the head. While the mitaskim wash
and clean the body they recite verses related to these processes such
as, ‘Then I will sprinkle clean water upon you and you shall
be clean, from all your uncleanness and from all your idols, I will
cleanse you’ (Ezekiel 36:25). These verses are recited both
because of their relevant content and to prevent the mitaskim from
idle talk while the deceased lies before them. The mitaskim are careful
to maintain the deceased's dignity, covering his or her body while
they wash and comb the hair. They cut the deceased's nails and wash
him in approximately 7 liters of water. The custom in some locales
concludes by immersing the deceased in a ritual bath (mikveh).
After
bathing him, the mitaskim dress the deceased in special burial garments
made from simple white cloth, called tachrichim. The tachrichim include
pants, shirt, cloth shoes, and a hat. On top of the clothes, the mitaskim
wrap the body in a large white cloth, called a sovev. In Israel, it
is not customary to wrap the deceased in a tallit, as is done outside
of Israel. If the family requests, the deceased can be wrapped in
a tallit during the funeral, but it will generally be removed before
burial.
Digging
the Grave
The chevra kadisha is responsible for designating a grave site, digging
the grave, and bringing the necessary equipment to the funeral –
a bier to carry the deceased, shovels to cover the grave, etc. The
chevra kadisha assigns grave plots based on considerations of time
and space – in general two adjacent graves are not dug in one
day in order to insure each family its privacy – as well as
considerations related to the deceased's status: kohanim are buried
close to the entrance of the cemetery, since traditionally kohanim
refrain from entering cemeteries. Certain cemeteries allocate separate
sections to different Jewish communities, and to burials with certain
common characteristics, such as miscarried fetuses, people whose Jewish
lineage is in question, or non-Jews.
top