FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS IN THE BIBLE

Instructor: Barbara Sutnick
sutnick@internet-zahav.net

Week COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWN: ISAAC, REBECCA AND SONS

We read in our first lesson, "hence a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, so that they become one flesh" (Gen. 2:24). The marriage of the patriarch Isaac to Rebecca is described with these words: "Then Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and took Rebecca as his wife. Isaac loved her, and thus found comfort after his mother's death." (24:67) The strong and beloved presence that was Sarah had left a most discernible vacuum in her passing. It was not until Isaac met Rebecca that he was able to bring to a close his mourning for his mother. As Rashi contends, "as long as a man's mother is alive he is entangled with her; when she dies, he comforts himself in his wife." Furthermore, continues Rashi, Rebecca returned to Sarah's tent the light that had gone out at the time of her death. In one sense, Rebecca fills the shoes of Sarah for Isaac; but as we shall see, she remains a very different type of woman than was Sarah.

Before focusing on the relationship that develops between Isaac and Rebecca, let us take a look at the "baggage" that each brings to the marriage. We know Rebecca from her brief "courtship" at the well. (For a review, see Genesis 24 and/or relevant parts of Lecture 2.) In brief, she can be described as kind, considerate, hard-working, beautiful and virginal. If we include midrashic portrayals of her, we can add intelligent, worldly, inscrutable and somewhat scheming to this list. We also know that deviousness is in her family. Her brother, Laban, will come to deceive Jacob by switching brides on him on his wedding night and then by prolonging Jacob's service to him.

Isaac is the son of his parents' very old age. His mother had suffered years of barrenness before Isaac was born. The birth was a result of obvious Divine orchestration. Isaac was raised in an environment of open and caring communication between his parents. He may have observed that his mother was the one to take the initiative when family problems arose (which is also to say when national destiny issues arose!). Isaac suffered the trauma of his father's aborted sacrifice of him--the effects of which are very difficult to ascertain. Nor could he have remained unaffected by the fact that his older half-brother, Ishmael, was banished from the family, as a protection for Isaac and Isaac's right to inherit. Whether this made him feel guilty or conversely taught him that this is the best way to deal with such disputes remains a matter of conjecture. (For more details on Isaac's family home, see Lecture #4.)

Like her mother-in-law, Rebecca suffers from barrenness in the early years of her marriage to Isaac (see Genesis 25:19b-26). In this case, the Bible records no discussion or strategizing between the couple about this problem. Isaac prays for Rebecca, and she conceives. In the midrash (brought by Rashi), both Isaac and Rebecca pray for a pregnancy, but it is Isaac's prayer that is answered, since "the prayers of a righteous person who is the son of a righteous person are not the same as the prayers of a righteous person who is the child of an evil person (Rebecca's father)" With this, Rashi also gives weight to the "baggage" brought to this marriage. Rebecca's pregnancy is a difficult one. Rebecca suffers from tremendous uterine turbulence. Rashi brings several midrashim which attribute this tumult to the radical differences between Jacob and Esau that are already in evidence:

"Whenever Rebecca passed a place of Torah learning, Jacob tried to get out; whenever Rebecca passed a place of idolatry, Esau tried to get out" or, alternatively "They were arguing about this world and the next and who would have a share in the next world."

Rebecca does not complain to her husband in the biblical text, but rather she turns to God. In response to her plaint, Rebecca receives a Divine communication about the two children that she is carrying and about their respective destinies:

"Two nations are in your womb Two peoples apart while still in your body One people shall be mightier than the other And the older shall serve the younger." (Gen 25:23) Esau is born first, ruddy and hairy. Jacob, the younger twin, emerges grasping his brother's heel. Their personality differences are succinctly but clearly delineated in the text: "When the boys grew up, Esau became a skilful hunter, a man of the outdoors; but Jacob was a mild man, who stayed in tents" (Gen. 25:27). The word "mild" (TaM in Hebrew) has invited some comment. Interestingly, Rashi explains that "TaM" signifies a person whose heart and words coincide--somebody who is not quick to fool others. Hezkuni explains that Jacob was often watching the family flocks, sitting under a tent to do so. While in the tent, Jacob studied Torah.

We also learn outright that the family tradition of favoring one son over the other appears in this generation, too. "Isaac favored Esau, because he had a taste for game; but Rebecca loved Jacob" (25:28). The parents differ, however, as to which son is favored. Jacob favors the son who dotes on him, bringing him delicacies from the hunt; Rebecca is closest to the son who remains in the tent studying.

The fact that Isaac favored Esau rightly puzzles the commentators. How is it that Isaac, the patriarch, should favor the son who will ultimately lose the birthright and later be identified with the arch enemies of the Jewish people? Could it be that Isaac remained unaware of the pre-birth Divine communication that Rebecca was privy to? After hearing from God which son would take supremacy, does Rebecca fail to share this experience and this information with husband? Such an extreme level of communication breakdown in their marriage is hard to envision, even though later events seem to support it. One possibility I would like to suggest is that Rebecca did tell Isaac about the boys' destiny. Isaac, however, was loathe to see a repeat of the painful outcomes of parental favoritism that he had witnessed in his home, and therefore he backed the "underdog". As we know, Isaac's favoring, for whatever reason, will not alter his children's destinies.

Parallel to the Bible's clear specifications as to who will inherit the birthright, we have the anecdotal account of Esau selling his birthright to Isaac for a mere pot of stew. (See Gen. 25:29-34). Lest we think that the rejection of poor Esau results from his being disenfranchised by forces beyond his control, we see him actively disdain his birthright. His impatience and overwhelming physicality (temporary hunger dominates all decision-making) serve as evidence that he is undeserving of the birthright. By the same token, we see Jacob, aware of his brother's "Achilles heel", taking full advantage of Esau's impulsiveness and temporary weakness. A famine strikes the Land of Canaan. God appears to Isaac and adjures him not to go to Egypt for food, as did Abraham (and as will Jacob's sons after him). Isaac is then blessed by God with the same blessing that was bestowed upon Abraham: he will inherit the Land for himself and his descendants, and these descendants will be as many as the stars of heaven. God emphasizes that this is the same blessing that was given to Abraham and will presumably be bestowed upon Isaac's progeny. (26:2-5) God revisits Isaac after the famine, and re-emphasizes the blessing (26:24).

Isaac seeks relief from the famine by travelling with his family to the land of Gerar, home of the Philistines. At this point, please read Gen. 26:6-11 so that we can compare its first verses to the opening of Gen. 12:10-20. Both stories concern themselves with the rather bizarre account of the patriarch pretending that his wife is his sister so as to avoid being perceived as the king's rival for her. In each case, the king goes so far as to take the beautiful matriarch into his home before Divine intervention averts adulterous disaster. The why's and wherefore's of these stories are beyond the scope of this course. What is striking and noteworthy to us, however, is the difference between the very beginning of each of them. Before entering Egypt, Abraham CONFERS with Sarah about his plan. In the case of Isaac, however, the Bible records no parallel conversation. Isaac speaks straight to the kings' men. Surely details could be missing, or left up to the reader to supply. The text, on its surface, however, is a clear example of the silence concerning important family subjects that prevailed between Isaac and Rebecca.

Certainly the centerpiece event in the family of Isaac, Rebecca and sons is when Isaac seeks to pass along the Abrahamic blessing to its rightful heir. Please read Genesis 27. Here we are told that Isaac decides to pass along the blessing when he is "old and his eyes were too dim to see." Isaac's blindness was viewed by the commentaries as being multi-dimensional. It surely included blindness in the plainest meaning of that term--failing ability to see. Yet Rashi brings three different midrashic readings that all assign spiritual causes for the patriarch's failing eyesight. (a) the smoke of his daughters-in-law's idolatrous sacrifices had irritated and damaged his eyes; (b) when he was about to be sacrificed by his father, the angels shed tears from heaven which fell into his eyes causing damage; and (c) so that he would give the blessing to Jacob (!) We notice that reasons (a) and (b) are connected to family crises. Isaac summons his ELDER son, which would be completely understandable if we did not know about the boys' birthright dealings and their mother's vision. He sends Esau out to hunt down and prepare the celebrative meal that they are to share at the occasion of the blessing.

Meanwhile Rebecca, having overheard Isaac and Esau's conversation, sends Jacob to fetch a kid from the flock so that HE may receive the blessing in Esau's stead. It is interesting to note that all of the objections that Jacob verbalizes to his mother's plan center on the issue of getting caught: "Esau is a hairy man and I am smooth-skinned" (i.e. surely I will get caught), and "...bring upon myself a curse, and not a blessing" (i.e. what could happen if I get caught). Jacob's concerns are about feasibility and consequences. He voices no moral qualms. Is this because he is lacking in basic morality?--a problematic situation for a patriarch. Could it be that Jacob and his mother have discussed his ultimate future before--both in terms of her pre-birth "vision" and Jacob's "purchase" of the birthright from Esau. If so, they certainly have a basis for concluding that in the grand scheme of things, they are doing the ONLY moral thing at a time when Isaac is about to commit a serious error. If the latter is true, why was not Isaac privy to their discussions? Could he not have been persuaded to bless the "correct" son rather than be tricked?

The rabbinic commentators are also disturbed by what reads like outright lying and deception on the part of our patriarch, Jacob. This, despite their keen awareness that the ends would have to take precedence over the means. Jacob's thinly disguised ruse works on his elderly father, and Isaac delivers the blessing to Jacob. Taking stock of the contents of the blessing, we see: agricultural plenty, predominance over other nations, and that those who curse him will be cursed while those who bless him will be blessed. No sooner does Jacob leave his father's presence than Esau arrives anticipating the best. Esau's shock and pain at his betrayal is eloquently portrayed. He expresses his outrage at his brother for taking away his blessing, and weeping, begs his father to bless him as well. Isaac comes up with a blessing for Esau, which they know is only a second rate one. It's contents: agricultural plenty, a warrior's life characterized mainly by service to his brother, however including times when he will break loose from his brother's dominion to take supremacy. Esau is furious and cherishes hopes of murdering him. However he would not think of doing so when his father is still alive (27:41). This glimpse into the filial piety of Esau illuminates the one virtue which the rabbis wholeheartedly ascribe to him. (Other than this, he is villianized in rabbinic literature, as well as in the Bible.) Despite all his weaknesses, Esau adored and respected his father. He honored him with special foods, and would not disturb his father's last days with vengeful action. Contrast this with the behavior of Jacob's sons who watched their father grieve for Joseph for years and years and never sought to relieve his suffering by telling the truth (see Lecture 10).

Rebecca hears of Esau's murderous plans and confides in Jacob, about them. She proposes to send Jacob away to prevent the horrible specter of losing him to fratricide and Esau to murder. On this occasion, she does approach her husband, Isaac, about her plan to send Jacob away, but with a MANUFACTURED REASON! She says that she does not want to see Jacob marry a Canaanite woman, and cause all the aggravation that Esau did with his wives (see Lecture 2 on Courtship). Although what she says is no doubt true, this is hardly her true rationale for dispatching Jacob!

Isaac agrees with Rebecca. "He sent for Jacob, and blessed him" (28:1). Isaac adjures Jacob to go back to his mother's family in Paddan-aram to seek his bride. Just before Jacob leaves his father's presence for the last time, Isaac bestows a blessing. Please note the contents of the blessing. "May El Shaddai bless you, make you fertile and numerous, so that you become a community of peoples. May He grant you the blessing of Abraham, you and your offspring; that you may possess the land in which you are sojourning, which God gave to Abraham" (28:3-4).

Does this sound familiar? What you may have realized by now is that NEITHER Jacob nor Esau ever received the Abrahamic blessing from their father on that fateful day of disguises and disappointment! The two key elements in the special blessing bestowed upon Abraham and then upon Isaac by God were: (a) you shall become a great and numerous nation; and (b) you and your descendants shall inherit the Land of your sojournings. Jacob and Esau had been previously blessed with economic prosperity, and opportunities to dominate one another. Only as Jacob is being sent away is the Abrahamic (i.e. the People of Israel's national destiny) blessing passed along to the third patriarch. Aviva Zornberg in *Genesis: The Beginning of Desire* points out that the intentionality of Isaac in SENDING for Jacob adds confirmation to the whole process. At first Jacob received a more vague blessing, somewhat tainted by the procedures. As he prepares to leave home, his father finally blesses him with the REAL blessing in a way that is direct and unquestionable.

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QUESTIONS FOR FURTHER THOUGHT

1. Do you agree with Rashi's contention that a man achieves maximal closeness with his wife only after his mother has passed away? Would you say this is equally true (or untrue) of women and their husbands and fathers?

2. Since Isaac's eyes were blind, which of his five senses did he use in "confirming" "Esau's" identity?

3. How would you explain the fact that Isaac withheld the Abrahamic blessing from Jacob, when Jacob was posing as Esau?

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